I just came back from the SFC's retreat for the whole weekend.
honestly I have no expectation about this retreat, I just want to be active in this community, and maybe seeing everybody and try to catch up with them.
but, although there were few of us who can make it, but really it was wonderful retreat. How can I conclude that? I will tell certain part that made it wonderful.
1. The House
we are staying in the two story retreat house and honestly I can say, it's pretty scary and old style. there are plenty of rooms, 7 at downstairs and heaps more upstairs. a lot of big rooms and places for chilling. Heaps of statues and antique furniture combine with flowery pattern and lace makes it pretty comfortable and at the same time, horror. Every room has handle even in the corridor, it shows it's designed for elderly people. there is a underground rooms which very dark and dusty. we used it to scares many people down there. the rooms is connected. from kitchen to living room to TV's room, and to laundry room. the best thing is in upstairs the arrangement of the furniture is unusual, I reckon because people rent this house before and didn't arrange it properly and made it like abandon rooms, and the location of the rooms looks like one of the quarantine scene when the police trying to go inside the rooms and find the zombie, we always get scared when on and off the light even all together came up.
I LOVE MY ROOM! the room is so comfortable even it's abit creepy. it's a single bed with flowery bed sheet and soft colour blanket. the curtain is pink colour and It has a big white wardrobe. really clean. there is a small reading table and table lamp, it's become my sleeping lamp as well, so i don't sleep in the dark. there is an electrical blanket and heater to avoid me from the coldness night. a lot of hanger, and there is a sink inside the room, weird but it does make so much easier for me. the best is I have my own room for the whole weekend. If there is room like that in city I would like to move out.
2. The Talk
it's pretty flexible and a lot of gab between, from 5 talks that we had, I reckon Alicia's talk was the hardest for me. It's about healing
When she says about it, I was thinking " oh, I'm alrite.. I don't hate anybody, maybe I have wound but God's healed me". Yes, It's true. and Alicia continue to say about how humane pain is, and it's ok to have a wound because if we coincidently cut, it's will bleeding. she said we need to be honest to our self and don't let the pains become bitter. So, she asked us to open our heart and give up all out bitterness to God, and let Him heal. I have never experience healing before. I haven't going to any "retreat awal" or "reteat luka batin" in Indonesia, so I guess I'm fine. but I'm not.
Alicia's asked us to write down 3 things that cause our pain, and 3 person who did that. she gave us time.
When first I wrote about the things that cause me pain, my self become introvert. kind of hard to thinking about something that we don't like, make us look reallyweak. but I tell my self "be honest Nadia, It's ok".then I started to write about 3 things that I hate the most, things that people keep doing to me and hurt me so much ; rejection, unfairness and betrayal.
after this stage is really the hardest for me ; 3 people that cause the pain.
honestly, It didn't take me so long to think about the persons who did to me,but having to write down their name one by one, my tears dripping, and I'm starting to sobbing.
those name are really brings out my painful experience and begin to crave my heart. write their name in this paper give me an extremely guilt feelings, I feel like I wrote their name in my dead note. and I realize 3 names is never be enough for me, I wrote more than 6 person inside. gosh.. now I know how imperfect I am. it's still so painful until the end of the session when we need to flip our paper and throw it to the bin, symbolise of forgiveness.
in the end I overcome it, I understand my pain now, and I will let God to do the rest of it.
I got it when I was packing up my stuff suddenly my Roxy's zip broken. I know it's really hard to fix it, and I remember my mom said forget to repair it better to changes it with new one. but this is my new bag, I just used it twice, and there is no one will changes for me unless I pay for it. and I don't want to give up. Maria and Rex tried to help me but thx for trying. I really have faith on it that I can repair this, I just need passion and some tools like ; scissors
everyone were waiting for me so I decided to bring my bag home and repair it at home, since I have better equipment at home.
Indeed, It's really hard, but I really have faith on it. the hardest part is to merge the track and put in on the head of the zip. gosh.. it's so hard especially when I need to merge is one by one all the way from the beginning to the end, and put it on the head.
It's like a parable of the marriage, when a couple loosing the track, we need to make it right slowly, on by one, putting all together, from the begining id it's need, make it a synchronised, one mission and vision so we can put the head on and walking in the track again. gosh it's so simple but so hard to do that, hardest then repairing a zip.
4. Always fun with SFC!
Yeah as what I said, I don't care about culture gab between us that makes me hard to communicate with them, especially because I don't really hang out with them and sometimes I can't catch their joke.
but whatever it is during retreat everything is gone! we really have so much time together, singing, playing card, play in the beach, eat together, especially when horror part coming, they are so so so hilarious! honestly I'm a little bit scared of all ghost stuff. but when I'm alone, I'm alrite, worst is if I'm with people that scared of ghost, I will become coward.
The best night is the last night. after earth hour someone turn on the light in upstairs, the consequences is we need to turn off it again.Maria ask John, ask Marc, ended up everybody going upstairs only for turning off the light! Rex is my man! he make everything so excited, with act so heroes and brave. ate Mon is the bravest among us, where as the rest follow behind her. before we reach up stairs, everyone was screaming looking at the corner room that really creepy. when we entering rooms Maria and Marc shouting because John trying to close the light to scares them, Rex adding some creepy story to make it more horror. we like pushing each other and trying to escape whereas there is nothing happen. in the end we all laugh.
We did go to the jetty for some fishing, again it's ate Mon and Rex's idea, ended up we shivering and came back early.
Oh what a wonderfull weekend, hope to have this in every weekend.
<3 all SFC's brother and sister , hope we can waste more time together :)