Sunday, November 28, 2010

Satu jam saja

film terbaru vino G sebastian, udah dari october sich, but ini baru november gak masalah lah ya... keknya bakal jadi mangsa baru waktu balik indo...telat setahun dech aku nontonnya..widii

ini lagunya yg masyallah indahnya...

mau ngikutin perkembangan film ini?

Back home

Finally, I find my way back home.

I know I don't go anywhere, but this sentence I use to draw the picture of how I am getting my self back.
Recently, I feel like I lose my self and all the emotion that I ever have, somehow it's questioning me where are they have gone? but now I figure it out, and I get it back.
Feel so reveal? ABSOLUTELY. knowing that I'm still the same person as one years back, I feel so glad that I'm not totally change. I did lost some of my bad behavior, but all the ego, optimistic, and stubborn is still there. I am having it right now!
This appears because I need those personality to fight with my self more, after all the manifestation that happened last week, I really had bless, and it's a statement for me to start a new stage in my spiritual life. the proof are; I can easily get angry, a lil bit negative thinking towards other, and I'm still a human. the good news is, the spirit of being different arises; I have plenty of time to change my hairstyle and colour to show my personality.

Lastly, I will ended this bloody topic with one story. I had a disappointment last night, because of the friend and club. and really I feel bad, and wasting time over there. We had fun, and had some funny experience, just that I don't feel it's something that I can proud of. It's just makes me think hundred times before I decide to go club again. It's not about what I have experience there, but more to why I don't feel comfortable being in the club, surround by those people, it's simply because club is totally not my place.

I'm back!

Saturday, November 27, 2010


"world is not black and white, there is sometimes you can't say the truth"

Yes, I'm agree with it. somehow, there is something that you need to tell or you need to do some white lie.
but you need to watch out in what context are you talking about.
If you include you as a GREY clan, there is no place you could stand in most of the places.
so stop being a LIAR and life in you bloody damn world with your mask! you can't do grey for your own freaking excuses! either you WHITE and HURT obviously you could heal, or BLACK and DIE! never come back to this earth again.

Somehow I'm tired of being patient and tolerant person and need to tolerate people like you.
dunia semakin aneh saja. huh

Friday, November 26, 2010

The best song that I love to listen in every Christmas

"To a world that was lost, He gave all He could give, To show us the reason to live"

He is my reason to live.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Confession of my friend

Another man drawn to deep confession because of his sexuality problem.
caused one girl lost partner in her life.
and the other two guys were suspect tbeing together as a partner, not bestfriend

Sometimes, it seems not fair to us, girl. Why should gay exsist in our society?God created Adam and Eva, not Adam and Steve.
but that is not their choice to born as gay,
and he couldn't denial their self that they really can't love opposite sex,
they are still a normal guy, with equal hope and happiness with us. just they couldn't love us as full.
Heard those fact so many times, still hurt my heart more. I feel they just break some image in my life. but it doesn't mean I lose any friends,
they are still the same friend of mine, that serve to have the right of being love and in love.

another case is something that makes me have a horrible feeling towards both, kind of hurt me so much, because I know them quite well, one of them hurt me before
and since the assumption was arise, I have a strong reason to accuse them.
but I hope it is not.

Really, It's not only me that hurt, It's not only me that needing.
The reality is, they need me more than I do. So, that is a enough reason to prevent me from being hurt, and excuse me to choose who the one deserve my tears.

But I still have fully heart to love them, as much as God loves me :)

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Realization today

I'm tired to be a good girl..

I don't know why but suddenly I'm thinking that way.
I've been change a lot these days, because I close to God and committed to Him, I can't do something that sinful, or else will cause a strong guilty on me. strongly against my self.
and I've been fighting with my self, push my flesh down and doing things that can make others happy, because I believe, It will make my life more easier, with looking other people happy, that is what I like to do.
but, I just realize that something went wrong..
I've been really good these days, but there is nothing much I can do to make a problem solve better. I just redeem all the mistake that others did, without telling what they should do to make things right. I just have no brave to tell them the truth, I scared to hurt them.
now I realize It doesn't make any sense to me. I've been maintaining my self to be someone that can inspired to others, with being a role model and doing right things, consistent with everything that I do, never complain with any displeasure and unsatisfied with accepting the differ and adjust with environment as fast as I can. but I just don't feel it's a right..
I just far away from my old personality, seems something missing. I used to be someone that has strong feeling, optimistic, a bit selfish, doesn't really care about others, as long as I can do my things right, and I love to force o
thers to do the right things that I think right.
maybe something bad about my self missing, and replace with something positive.

or it's just my mood that appears today?
tell me tell me.. what I should do next!!!
many friends tell me that I'm a good friend, too good! Is that a mistake or a gift?
but I'm still a human that sometimes angry and make a mistake. full of curiosity and want to try some dangerous stuff. and even I'm a good person, somehow I might deserve to get hurt and disappointment.just that I could figure it out easily, because I can't hate others.
Oh God, I don't know.. even when I'm being a good friend I still need to face rejection from my own friend! I feel like crying every time I remember it.. why, WHY he doesn't want me to be his friend?? what makes me doesn't deserve it?? what makes him doesn't like me??

being good person doesn't guarantee you to far from problem, but that is your calling to lighten others burden, and put it on you a little bit, because you have God who carry you, so you can help others.
maybe I'm just tired, maybe i'm just emo, I shouldn't think this way and totally change my self, because the truth is, I'm happy to do what I have done, nothing burden me to do all this things, this is me, this is me that has been change since I have God, and I have no harm to be back like who I am, because this is me. just need some improvement and make it rights. I want to be someone that can tell the truth, and never hide for others good.

good person might be forgotten, but right person that could make change will be remains by others.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

No more drama...

short story about last night..
I was breaking down with undeniable fact of my friendship and the same heart broken for so many times.
but what made it worst I was sober, so I couldn't hide my feeling.
everyone knew, spontaneous reaction, nothing could hide.
ended I slept with hugging my EX boyfriend in the sofa.
that's enough to make me addicted,
and a bit lost of track

last sunrise in Ipad, that we've enjoyed together.

Monday, November 22, 2010

do you forget me?

I'm not the one who put the line between us,
I'm fine with anything, just that situation bring me far from you.
I don't belong to anybody, I have my own life, my own decision.
and I still have a plenty of understanding and love to share with.

but it can turns into anything bad when you bring this condition.
I don't know whether it's you- or someone that deliver the message to me were wrong,
whoever cause this, it's a critical condition that we need to work out, or else,
there is nothing worth called friendship anymore.

I'm not angry, just a bit disappointed.
and keep pray that my spirit is bigger than my flesh, to keep me loving you, not to hate you.

wish for Santa

"Nadia Nicole Santa... I want to work with you more, so I can earn alot of $$$ to pay my rent and all my expenses during holiday :P, the bonus is to get new DSLR and new boyfriend maybe? :P"

I don't know why suddenly this status appear on my mind,
been awhile after I'm working in Santa Land Myer, asked kids what they want to wish for Santa, then I realize that It's been awhile since I have nothing to wish for Christmas.
yea, this is just November, but Christmas seems coming very very week we will start an advent, and 4 weeks after that Christmas :)
I have nothing for Santa, not even a single sock, because all my socks are smelly, and I don't plan to buy a big one. but, since I'm working as a Santa helper in Santa Land I think It's ok for me to only wish without any offering - I'm big enough to understand that Santa has no time to give me any present.

Every kids has their own wish, some wants to have toy, video game, and some hi tech kids want to have Wii and Iphone (WTH??~~)
What I want it's just a simple things.. I want to work as Santa Helper more often, so I can earn more money to cover all expenses during holiday, the left over will be for my new upcoming DSLR , Simple.
But the controversial is the new boyfriend..,Whooopppssss~ what does it means? I also don't know.
I feel I'm ready to have boyfriend next year, maybe,someone that really suitable for my condition, I don't know, I hope that I can find someone that makes me more stronger and loved.
anyway, without any sexual appeal, which is I still not ready yet for this moment, and yeah.. I don't know.. It's just my human nature said so, nobody's want to be lonely right?

and moreover, I'm enjoying my day pretty well, always hang out,
and the weather that keep changing every hours make me sick, almost-slightly sick
but I recover fast because I'm happy

ok, ready to meet Santa?
back to work.

Friday, November 19, 2010

love need sacrifice, sacrifice means alot

Hey, finally.. I can have another baking cookies session
I do this for supporting all my friend that has exam. since I have nothing to do else then working, I planned to bake cookies to support them while they are studying.
I took the whole day to finish the bake
I spent a lot for the ingredients, and I burn my hand twice.. small one
but it's pain full when touch the water. doesn't matter
the cookies is not a normal cookies, the ingredients normal indeed, but something that make it special is the additional heaps of love from me :)
so, after everything done, my job is to deliver the cookies love to everybody.

and this is one of my story about delivering the cookies.

8pm, my friend waiting for me in rundlle to watch Harry potter premier,
but before that I need to deliver one box of cookie to Hendry, that apparently need to go Perth in evening. He is on the way from his house to currie street, and I decided to meet him in currie street bus stop.
but, when I was walking and haven't reach the bus stop, he said that he already inside the bus
I was in hurry,nervouse, but I don't care for the consequences I need to deliver this cookies to him.
so, I'm decided to waiting in the next stop of the bus, ask him to come out for a bit to deliver the cookies.
It's kind of impossible and the bus driver might angry with me, but I don't care, I don't want to give up to deliver this cookies.

when the bus coming, I wave my hand and it's stop, but he didn't came out. so I decided to go in and put the bus ticket and deliver the cookies to him. He was a bit feeling bad because he couldn't go out and I need to go in, but I'm so glad because I can deliver the cookies to him.
I came out from the bus in the next station, which is further down the city.
840pm, and my friend waiting for me, i need to walk all the way because the bus brought me quite far.

but, I was crying on my way ... because I just realize that to give some love need a lot of sacrifice, but it's hurt when there is no feedback from the other person. I mean I kind of disappointed when he didn't want to go out, and I need to go in first, to prove my sincerity to him.
but really I learn a lot today. I thought that I didn't really doing sacrifice with baked cookies for my friend, but actually I do a lot. just that I'm doing it with happily, so I don't mind.
really appreciate the gift from God, this love for others... :)

*add info: joko were there hiding in the back of the bus. Idk why they did that, maybe crisis trust

Saturday, November 13, 2010


You know what...
tomorrow I need to work 9am to 5 pm,
and I couldn't see Christmas pageant, - one of the biggest event in Adey :(
now I'm hungry like shit, but this bloody 00.38am~
I haven't get really well pangsai this morning, my stomatch not in a good condition.
there is 5 pimples that ready to pop up below my lips!
and the best thing is
no way for me to do, exccept: Monday it self!

God, I leave all my worries in You
I surrender....
and try to be excited :)

Friday, November 12, 2010

after love

I remember yesterday I was so down, looking for a comfort, secure and love.
I'm not sure whether those needs were fulfill, but the next day I have the most number of friends writing on my wall randomly,15 friends! and some of them really touch my heart.

I'm single now, even it's just 2 weeks relationship and we don't have to do 'things' much, somehow I hope it's longer than that.
It's just right for me to do this since I wanted freedom so much. I have no burden of being friends with him, but I have a lots of things to consider if he is my boyfriend. yea, it's just me.. I might a really good,true,best friend but I'm consider my self as complicated girlfriend. I'm thinking too much.

He is sick, I think it's flu~, for me it's consider bad because yesterday he can't really talk to me (I though he was angry) so after become a friend, I decided to cook him porridge. I like to take care of people, and I don't mind doing this for him.

I was walking from China town,to his place, which is 20 minutes walk, in 26 degrees weather,( even I used to hot weather but this is consider first time after 3 months winter) I don't mind tho, as long as I can deliver the love for him, and make him feel better. and honestly, I don't need anything in return, as long as he feeling better, and thinking that there is someone who care with him (ussually that is what people need when their sick) and the result is he appreciated it. the reaction was came abit late in my Fb wall, I hope it's really true for him.. because if it's consider joke again, I really won't trust him anymore. :)

I understand every people need procrastination, need a feedback from whatever that they have done, need appreciation. maybe yesterday I've just to worried, and thingking about it too much while everyone didn't ready to show it to me.
I know I'm loved, but I like to think that I loved them more, because I really have a plenty of love to share with my friends. why friends? it's easier rather than boyfriend. boyfriend is only one, you can only focused on him, but friends, you can do it randomly.. I'm a random people :)
For me, If I want people love me, I'm doing it with sharing my love with them, and I won't stop to love them. I don't know where I get this phrase, but as simple as - If you want being love, you must loved others first-

I don't need a boyfriend, I just need love. So, it's not necessary to have a boyfriend just to be loved.

"If friends were flowers I would not pick you! I'll let you grow in the garden and cultivate you with love and care so I can keep you as friend 4ever ♥- Quote Steve Jin"

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Power of Facebook

Too many drama on facebook..
Life become more exciting and interesting because of facebook

I have participated in one of a short story,
about one couple that just get together, publish it on facebook, did many things together, adore each other, and make people happy with seeing them together, .. as in they are fully in love.
not much talking,more act, they just let everything goes in a flow.
responding people opinion about their relationship..
some were happy for them, some didn't believe, and the rest were questioning about the truth.
but there is many positive respond mess around their facebook.
The power of facebook is undeniable, the news are spread around the world, mouth to mouth, until there is no more words could give best answer to the friends and family.

The condition become awkward, facebook it's just a facebook..
does facebook never lie? It depends on the person, nobody can determine.. but, If facebook is becoming part of their identity, yes, they are in trouble.
Then the real complicated situation were occure, Is not only the status, but it is affect their relationship in real.

Nowdays, internet or facebook is no more just an entertainment or just a media that help us to escape from boredom, It changes becoming a part of people life, part of their identity,agenda in reality. interaction with their friends and the best medium to find out information about other people.
So, don't play with facebook.


Tuesday, November 9, 2010


Aku merindukan seseorang yang selalu punya senyum memikat.
Senyumnya itu nggak berlebihan, cukup, tapi menyimpan sejuta perasaan.
Kadang dari senyuman itu terungkap perasaan sedih, bahagia, dan cinta.. namun senyum nya nggak pernah berubah, selalu sama.
lewat medium apapun, senyumnya selalu terasa hangat. hangat di telinga, dan hangat dihati.

Sayang sudah seminggu lebih aku nggak melihat senyum itu.
mungkin karena kita sudah jarang ketemu, mungkin juga karena ego yang menghentikan langkahku.
Ego memang selalu menang, bahkan rindupun harus tertahan pilu untuk membenarkan itu

Kata orang, aku punya senyum yang sama.
Senyum tanpa beban yang selalu ceria, entah apakah senyumku sehangat senyumnya karena aku belum pernah merasakannya sendiri.
tapi yang jelas senyum itu adalah anugrah terindah dari Tuhan untuk memberkati sesama.

Aku rindu senyuman kita bertemu, melepas tawa dan memecah keheningan malam.
memberikan orang kehangatan, dan untuk hati kita -yang aku yakin- saling rindu satu sama lain.

*mari sobat kita berbagi senyum itu :)

Sunday, November 7, 2010


If you sucesfully hold my hand, in a way that I like the most.
you had been sucessfully touched my heart.

better than nothing.

YOur.LoVe.My.LoVe.Fake.FeLLiNg.unSTabLe.He.crazY.TruSt.AFfection.Make.JuSt.TogeTheR.Up.EmotioNal.STatus.No GrcE.HuRt.ReConCilLiaTion.eGo.meMoriEs.unSEcurE.TouCh.WorriEd.MY.SElf.HeArT.paIN.LoOkgood.TimE.cARe.PaSSion.ConCerN.HuRt.StoP It.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

good news!!

I'm not jobless in HOLIDAY!!! earn moneyy earn moneyy :)

Monday, November 1, 2010

today's question

question on my mind:
Who am I lying with?