Thursday, July 28, 2011



Tuesday, July 26, 2011

getting attached

Does getting attach to someone is something wrong?

this week, this topic become booming and bubbling in my day..
One of my friend is not a type of person who like being attach, call this person Mr.Safe, the thing that make it harder he treating other people equally the same, same amount of love, same amount of care, and the amount is extraordinary that often makes other have wrong intention to him, and tend to getting attach to him. call this person Mr.SweetSmile who has a pure heart to care and love his friends with whole heart, looking for a guy as a best friend, and interested in Mr.Safe.

Unfortunately, Mr Safe doesn't really feel comfortable of what Mr.SweetSmile acts towards him. because he treat other people equally and he didn't feel anything special happened between them. opposite what Mr.SweetSmile felt, and it makes him a lil disappointed. the problem is because there is a lack of element in the way their building the relationship. Mr Safe doesn't want to get attach because he had a bad experience in the previous relationship with anyone, that is why he can't trust people. where by Mr.SweetSmile feels that he can give whatever Mr.Safe need, just there is a missing element which is TRUST.

trust in Chinese

What happen between them it's just a example of many cases in the world.
who says getting attach is a bad idea? there is a positive and negative aspect in this area. getting attach means that you will not living alone, you will need to consider everything not as a individual but as a team, and you can't simply decide something as in what YOU need, but what WE need, in this case will growing a senses of care, love and downgrade you egocentric in your self, because you need care to other people . that is the big different between. and more over, the negative part is you will affect each other in many ways, and of course, it will be difficult to work a part with your partner.

I always have a problem of getting attach, not only you. trust me, I've gone through many painful process of being attach and separate after that, and getting really hard on me to get back on my track ALONE. believe or not, most of us in this world are not born to be alone, like Adam needs Eva to accompany him in the Eden.

in my opinion, it's really hard to get attach with someone, I mean it. I rather attach with Jesus or Holy Spirit than with human that mostly will disappoint us. and having a intimate spiritual relationship with them really gave me a great outcome, not even a single damage, but power in most of the time, and I'm willing to getting attach with them the rest of my life, ops, I still have my own life, I'm not going to ended as a nun? Am I? haha

looking back in the reality and the challenge that God has given, I'm ready to getting attach with someone..
Or I think, might already get attach to him now, even it's not officially =).that is when I took the challange of getting hurt, sacrifice, forgiving, love unconditionally, whatever that it cost me, I will take. but having to say this is really hard for me to thinking that we are actually apart, and have no idea when we can be together, and figure out our real character.

Still thinking about our conversation last night, that we are actually talking about our future. and we can see our path is not yet meet in the same way
really hard to imagine, because as a partner, there is no way to be separate, even there is still a long way to go the future, I have no idea how I can get attach in this situation, but the problem it's already happen.

I told him not to think about us first, but concentrate on his future.
because I believe his future is his. is not always about me, I might not be his future, but I'm here now, will helping him through out this hard time of his life. or maybe only in this period, then we take our own way?,we might never know.
and I still have a dream that I want to build, I still want to learn many stuff that require me to travel. and getting attach might be a liitle hard for me. but I have found someone who worthwile, and it's gonna take us a long process till we get it trhough the real obstacles.

Honestly, I have no right answer to this puzzle, I need more time to get it done.
but I believe, there is nothing wrong to get attach. it's the matter make use of getting hurt and sacrifice,and care. but you also will learn something that you can't pay it with dollars. choose the right person who trust worthy. If you find one in your life, keep them, and build your world, and fill it with love.

if you haven't find one, pray to God that he will find you the right one, someone that you need.


Monday, July 25, 2011

fav activity

Hey Yo!
what are you doing in Saturday night?

normally people spending their saturday night with dating or hang out with friends, that is basically what we do in the different ways.
I, normally have a quality time with Icha and Reggie, drive all the way to om Johnny's House. spending time with him and Tante Lina,having dinner continue with watching our favourite show, Last Choir Standing which really made our night.

What makes this show really ourstanding?

these days, many Tv shows are about competition, makes choir as a one great choice.
since there are many of them and it seems difficult to manage in the studio, not many Television channel brave enough to broadcast it.
but in UK, it's already begin... with Last Choir Standing.
is really fenomenal for me, since I was growing with choir team as i move around, this shows really inspired me, fenomenal
besides, there are many emotional involve behind it, since it is a competition, for sure we wants our fav team win.
Sadly this shows come to the end, In Australia last week was the grand final, and the winner is fantastic, one of my fav choir team. ONLY MEN ALOUD.

Why I love them?
first, maybe because they all are man, middle ages, and most of them really, REALLY good looking! they know how to sing, perform, and steal audience heart! damn!

So let's see, do they will steal your heart as well??

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Everything is about Him

Such a long time didn't update my blog with long entries, perhaps now, I will fill this post with long writing.

living in the present, with many things going on, I feel that I am living in the reality. with loads of love which God gives to me everyday, courage me to spread it to everyone, make me become a person who feel responsible to everyone happiness. this feeling always with me since I was young, I like to help others, I become alive when people needs me. but someone remains me how it is not supposed to be a burden, and not everything is my responsibility.This is God's way for me to figure out my character.

today I have chilling time reading a blog of someone who always inspires me, Jaeson Ma

His writing struck me a lot! with all powerful word, he types to describe how God works in him trademously, made me feel Jesus is not far away, He is here, just beside me.
Whenever I read his blog, I always stunning with the words that has been discover through his faith and it is so true, stake inside my heart and rooted, make me more alive.
I realise a lot of people in this world are love God, want to follow Him, and admit him as a saviour, but how many of them are willing to sacrifice their life, to work in Jesus land and do His work? not many.
either me, is far aways from that position. even for doing what Jaeson Ma has done to discover him self and what God wants in his further service, is like impossible. but see the result, God really use him to proclaim His victory in human life.
I admire him, I really do.
every time I read the blog, encourage me to more for God's will

recently I have grumbled with self-discovering issued. everyone has it, and currently someone that really close to me having that problem. really I want to help him to discover him self, to paid off everything that not worthed in the past with letting go the pain, and I just don't know how. when I read Jaeson words, now I understand that each of us actually has the same problem.

"When you are busy, you can suppress your deepest and darkest pains,
but when you are in solitude, you have to come face to face with who you
really are. In solitude, I couldn’t get away from having to face my inner
demons. For me, the two greatest inner demons were the fear of failure and
the fear of success. That is, the fear of failing my own expectations,
failing others and ultimately failing God. The other inner demon was the
fear of succeeding. That is, not knowing whether or not my hopes, dreams and aspirations were for my own glory, or God’s glory. I couldn’t trust myself, for the heart is deceitful above all things. Daily I wrestled, day in and
day out with the fear of failure and the fear of success standing before me,
like two mighty demonic giants, taunting me and telling me to give up on
myself, that there was no hope because I was too messed up."

actually all of us has the same problem on it, when we work with God, he wants us to work with all our heart, with all our soul, all out. and when we are not comfortable with who we are, how we going to serve him? and how all the works is deign for him?
as we serve, we can't really think about our self, because everything that we have is God who has given to us. really all the freedom.liberties, only for his glory. How powerless is that? how hopeless when we can't even trust our self and walking in the path with someone who invisible.
that is when our faith is proven.
but every process has different sacrifice, what we need to do is figure out how we can experience the process and win the game.

"Life is beautiful, really. Even with all the ups and downs, all the
struggles and pain, there is also victory and success. Life is a beautiful
struggle, without pain there would be no compassion, without death there would
not be life, don’t be afraid to embrace the broken for in the broken we find
life, something we can’t find in heaven, something we only have on earth*"

this quote truly opened my eyes widely, we never understand that every problem is there because of reason, and often, we don't want to get hurt and failure, we tend to believe that something unsuccesfull is from evil not from God, have you think about what you have gain through the process? that is God's gift for you!

As a normal person I'm still struggling with my past relationship, It's really hard for me to move on, even hard to figure out what made me scared to step in a new relationship. I'm afarid to be betray again, I'm afarid of the pain of Love, I'm afaraid being hurt. but I read from somewhere, every process that I will going through is something worthwhile, my job is to find someone who worth for it, worth to be trusted. Indeed, Love is pain, but Love is beautifull pain ( *Jaeson Ma form :P)

In my way to the next level in my life, I really want to be someone who can serve others and be bless, serving God is my pleasure, is like an air for me to breath, can go away from it. In the stillness I normally can found His presence. and I'm so gratefull that I have someone who indirect way help me to create that quiteness, and found His presence trough our circumstances.
"Life is not found in the noise, life is found in the stillness. Something to think about. It’s not about how many things we accomplish, it’s about how many moments we cherish. Enjoy the moment :)" Jaeson Ma

Anyway, this is really long, and I hope understanable.
just read the blog and feel how Jaeson Ma will inspires you!

my condition

"I'm single, but my heart is taken :)"

Monday, July 18, 2011

happy birthday edo

mencari breeds-nya bobby

only random thought,just wondering....
If I have my own house in the future, I really want to have at least one dog at home...
so I'm looking for one similar with bobby,
and I think I find it!

terrier Dandie

Friday, July 15, 2011

wondering- for someone

after someone gave me David Choi- by my side
which is in implicit way, telling me what inside his brain
I really feel that the message inside is truly reflect what he is trying to say.

At the moment, I have song for you in return

and please someone out there,who I refer to
let me know if you listen to this song :)

Thursday, July 14, 2011

love quote

Do not afraid to love,
if it doesn't bite means it is not reaL
-Alice Suryadi

Wednesday, July 13, 2011


the label is taken out, the folder is reused
but the person is irreplaceable, the memories are unforgettable
-Reginald Jahja

Monday, July 11, 2011

why love is always hurt?

*please let me know that I'm going to be alright with you

Sunday, July 10, 2011

the truth is


aku belum siap relationship Lord, pleaseee....
sakit sakittt sakitttttttttttttttttttttttttt!!!!


Thursday, July 7, 2011

gagal lagi

trip saya selanjutnya ke Melbourne, tanggal 10-13 July untuk menemui my beloved friend Max Choong, GAGAL!
the reason is because TIGER AIRWAYS *again,will be grounded till 1st of August , because of their license and safety purposes.

Good thing is, I don't have to spend more money since currently I experiences insufficient fund for my living cost, and I need to get a job!!!
Bad thing is, I cannot see Max Choong... tooo bad.

God has His own plan, however, I will still flying to Sydney for Oceania Single for Christ Conference the end of this month. WOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

bukan mantan pacar saya....

tapi the most preciouse guys in my life....

for now =='