living in the present, with many things going on, I feel that I am living in the reality. with loads of love which God gives to me everyday, courage me to spread it to everyone, make me become a person who feel responsible to everyone happiness. this feeling always with me since I was young, I like to help others, I become alive when people needs me. but someone remains me how it is not supposed to be a burden, and not everything is my responsibility.This is God's way for me to figure out my character.
today I have chilling time reading a blog of someone who always inspires me, Jaeson Ma
His writing struck me a lot! with all powerful word, he types to describe how God works in him trademously, made me feel Jesus is not far away, He is here, just beside me.
Whenever I read his blog, I always stunning with the words that has been discover through his faith and it is so true, stake inside my heart and rooted, make me more alive.
I realise a lot of people in this world are love God, want to follow Him, and admit him as a saviour, but how many of them are willing to sacrifice their life, to work in Jesus land and do His work? not many.
either me, is far aways from that position. even for doing what Jaeson Ma has done to discover him self and what God wants in his further service, is like impossible. but see the result, God really use him to proclaim His victory in human life.
I admire him, I really do.
every time I read the blog, encourage me to more for God's will
recently I have grumbled with self-discovering issued. everyone has it, and currently someone that really close to me having that problem. really I want to help him to discover him self, to paid off everything that not worthed in the past with letting go the pain, and I just don't know how. when I read Jaeson words, now I understand that each of us actually has the same problem.
"When you are busy, you can suppress your deepest and darkest pains,
but when you are in solitude, you have to come face to face with who you
really are. In solitude, I couldn’t get away from having to face my inner
demons. For me, the two greatest inner demons were the fear of failure and
the fear of success. That is, the fear of failing my own expectations,
failing others and ultimately failing God. The other inner demon was the
fear of succeeding. That is, not knowing whether or not my hopes, dreams and aspirations were for my own glory, or God’s glory. I couldn’t trust myself, for the heart is deceitful above all things. Daily I wrestled, day in and
day out with the fear of failure and the fear of success standing before me,
like two mighty demonic giants, taunting me and telling me to give up on
myself, that there was no hope because I was too messed up."
actually all of us has the same problem on it, when we work with God, he wants us to work with all our heart, with all our soul, all out. and when we are not comfortable with who we are, how we going to serve him? and how all the works is deign for him?
as we serve, we can't really think about our self, because everything that we have is God who has given to us. really all the freedom.liberties, only for his glory. How powerless is that? how hopeless when we can't even trust our self and walking in the path with someone who invisible.
that is when our faith is proven.
but every process has different sacrifice, what we need to do is figure out how we can experience the process and win the game.
"Life is beautiful, really. Even with all the ups and downs, all the
struggles and pain, there is also victory and success. Life is a beautiful
struggle, without pain there would be no compassion, without death there would
not be life, don’t be afraid to embrace the broken for in the broken we find
life, something we can’t find in heaven, something we only have on earth*"
As a normal person I'm still struggling with my past relationship, It's really hard for me to move on, even hard to figure out what made me scared to step in a new relationship. I'm afarid to be betray again, I'm afarid of the pain of Love, I'm afaraid being hurt. but I read from somewhere, every process that I will going through is something worthwhile, my job is to find someone who worth for it, worth to be trusted. Indeed, Love is pain, but Love is beautifull pain ( *Jaeson Ma form :P)
In my way to the next level in my life, I really want to be someone who can serve others and be bless, serving God is my pleasure, is like an air for me to breath, can go away from it. In the stillness I normally can found His presence. and I'm so gratefull that I have someone who indirect way help me to create that quiteness, and found His presence trough our circumstances.
"Life is not found in the noise, life is found in the stillness. Something to think about. It’s not about how many things we accomplish, it’s about how many moments we cherish. Enjoy the moment :)" Jaeson Ma
Anyway, this is really long, and I hope understanable.
just read the blog and feel how Jaeson Ma will inspires you!