RESOLUTION 2011

Ok now, I got flambing spirit to write about my resolution for 2011
because It's somehow, something that I haven't accomplish in my resolution 2010.
here we go:

1. I want to get back my DSLR
* I can't life without it, I swear!!
2. I want to LOOSE WEIGHT till 62-60 kg! ( before I step 22 years old!!!)
3. I want to get a loads of friend again!!, go to pubcrawl, mingle and not being lonely.
4. I want to travel to: tazmania, sydney and perth, and one traveling with Steve ( I hope everything don't change much)
5. I want to serve God in real way : for any concrete things that he wants me to do.

Somehow that I need to be answer in 2011

• Will I continue my Education in Australia? for another year? or where?
• Am I ready to start the serious relationship? (since it will step 2 years my celibacy in October 2010)

Yet, when I look back in my resolution for 2010, this year, I get more excited and optimistic. I realize that me changes every year, with new thought and behavior. and I believe this is a good things because I know God will always guide me, although all the question about life still stick in my mind, but I don't really care about it because God will answer it in the flow.

He got the job!

It's been a month we are looking for a jobs. trying to approach many shops, drop all the resume to them, asking whether there is a vacancy available.. put some changes to the resume so it's looking better, got rejected so many times in different ways that sometimes left a mark in his heart.. but, don't forget everything is base on prayers. finally the effort make a result. He got a job yesterday, after he attended a training for 4 hours, just after he finish, they hired him. and now many que for him! there is one company called him today... I have strong feeling about this company, and I believe that they will call him atleast in January, but than it doesn't take to long. today they called him and wants him to work straight withouth any training, and his payment start from that day. the place is so close, no need to wait for the tram and 40 minutes journey but only 15 mins walk! How Good is our God! I REALLY PROUD OF YOU by..!!!!! what makes me happy? first, I relieve that he got the job as what he wants. and all the effort that he took (essp.cut his hair) is really valueable. second, for me, I feel happy coz I'm not fail to help him. I really really thankful that I can help others essp when it comes to someone that close to you. with all the pray and the sign that God's gave to me, all it's true! third, I feel touch because he wants to share his happiness to me (even though he is in Melb) he call me all the way. it shows that I'm successfully make a changes in someones life, and knowing that someone still thinking of me out there it's really really a good feeling.

Photo from drinking at that night

God, you are so good! take me whatever you want! :)

" If you looking for a job you will find it" - Steve Jin

quotations

"How did you know she is the one?"

"She inspired me."
-My Girlfriend's Boyfriend

I want to love by someone, because og He comfotable with me, because I can help Him to do some magic to his job :)

Glad to have you.

"YOu WiLL NeVer KnoW, How ImpoRTanT the PerSon Is, UntiLL TheY LeFt a MarK in YOuR Life"- Nadia Nicole - Maybe heard from someone else

After the reconciliation that I had last night, finally I realize that I'm not actually alone.
all the things that I have been through, all the pain and miss understanding in my friendship life, it's actually a process to find friend that deserve to be my close friend.
I always think that I don't have any, and now after the separation happened, I know that I have them.

Joko - Hendry - Dion - Me

It's a bit to late to realize, but I believe even though we are far away, separate by thousand miles, but our heart still connected. Dion in Perth, Joko in Jakarta now and will be in Korea soon, Hendry in Subaraya, and I'm in Adelaide.
we still have a promise that we trying to accomplish, trying to get each other keep in touch and we still have heart to love and care one another.

Time does matter, that is how we found the real character of our friend and that is when we gather up all the memories that will bounded us together, and we have heaps of it.
We caring each other with celebrate the occasion together, even though one of us far away, we still include him in every event that we celebrate, and calling him everyday.

during Hendry birthday

loud speaker so dion knew what happened there

when we do outing

when joko going home

Maybe this is one of the gift from God through my entire life in Adelaide,
next chapter will begin next year, and I don't want to loose one of them only because we separate by distance.

We will jump together.

leaving list

25 December = Hendry leaving
26 December = Joko leaving
28 December = Steve leaving

I'm not going to pity my self of being alone, and stop thinking that I will be lonely because I'm not gonna be alone for the whole January and I will face the reality that the separatation is a normal term in human life.

19 January = Nadia visit Dion in perth?

hahahaha

Merry Christmas

Hey! It's Christmas...

tiap Christmas pasti ada pengalaman yang berbada, and this year is the first time in my life I didn't spent my christmas with my family.
I feels so different and somehow, I feel lonely. eventhough I went to so many Christmast gatherin, I can't find the emptyness that I feel in my heart. yeah, this is where I realize how important family is.
But, the thing that makes me feel so Christmast is because of the carol that sung everywhere and loads of food that I get from the christmas celebration. such a bless!
I have friends gathering in other place, church in Christmas eve with close friend and exchange present like what I did when I was kids, all the Christmas decoration and picture after mass. It's still a Christmas that I go through in my own way.
Moreover, I've kind of proud that Hendry and Joko still beside me, and we have same Santa Hat that we using during the Midnight mass. I really2 treasure this moment.

I miss all the time that I had in Indonesia during Christmas
Tukar kado di rumah tante Lisye di batu, ketemu sama orang2 baru yang hangat dan ramah.
lalu tahun kemaren, nostalgia misa di Blitar dengan temen2 SD yang nggak banyak berbeda, dengan gaya dan kepribadian masing-masing. mengulang semua rekaman masa kecil yang tampakanya tak banyak perubahan.
Tahun ini aku di Adelaide, Australia. nggak di Indonesia lagi.
dan setelah aku melangkahkan kakiku keluar dari gereja, aku nggak tahu akan kemana.
ada dimana tahun depan?
Apakah aku masih dibelahan bumi yang sama? atau di tempat yang berbeda?
yang jelas, Christmas yang sesuangguhnya itu ada di hati, dan Tuhan akan memberikan sesuatu yang ostemewa bagi pengikutnya, dimananapun dia berada.

I want to share some of the Christmas song that I have always listen every year

Elementary
Love's In Our Hearts On Christmas Day



Junior
WE ARE THE REASON



Highschool
HOLY NIGHT

I wish..

GOD PLEASE LET ME DO SOMETHING IN JANUARY!!

baby cute

Sometimes, I really proud to be his EX,



the cute baby face look that I hoping to see in every morning :)

don't hate me because I post this by, your adorable look!

????????

I'm not complaining..
but I just gonna questioning my life:
What am I suppose to do after Christmas? I'm home alone now, Joko going to korea, Hendry and wirawan in Indonesia, Dion already at perth. Don working, and Alice ahve no connection in Indonesia. there is no more SFC, everybody with their own family.
So, God... could You please give me a surprise? I really don't want to die because of bored! :(

Christmast wish lists

" What Do you want for Christmas?"
that is what I always ask to every kids who comes to SantaLand, place where I'm working now.
Initially, Christmast always indention with gift, surprise or family gathering. All good things happen in Christmas, Family become so alive, and there is no more fight!
That is why a lot of miracle happen on Christmas

but, When the question they throw back to me, I have nothing in my mind.
So, What I want for Christmas?

Stuff that I really wants now is new DSLR camera and Guitar. but seems I have limited resources to make it come true.
Basically, I want to get a lot of money! I want to work so I can cover my expenses on January. I really have no more left in my bank account, besides I need to get Christmas shopping for my friend, have to! I want to share the happiness of Christmas with all people around me. I'm worried that It won't be enough.
but, after december, I will jobless ended with spending money everyday in January, huf~ I don't want to waste, but I really have no plan the whole january, Holiday! Why don't I go for traveling?? I need money for it. If let's say I end up need to have support from mom's money, I really really want to go perth.. on january :)

If God really have a big plan for me, I don't think I need to worry about anything.
All I want in Christmas is Chance for me to maximize the time that I have in australia with networking, traveling and doing something good.

I miss

As usual, maybe this is emo time. Let's looking back the past..

I've been to Brisbane, Gold coast, and all the memories that pattern in my heart can't beat anything. I miss most of the time that we've spent together. I miss the people that I hang out with during that time, I miss the cold weather, drizzle everyday and raining most of the time. I miss wake up in the morning under dark cloud and hoping that today will be a great day, I miss dion asking me to bath! haha. I miss running because we need to que in every ride in gold coast, I miss speaking javanese with them , I miss we pray together before sleep, I miss it now.

Moreover, looking back further down, 6 months ago, back in Malaysia..
I miss the humilite weather that appears in my room, I miss alice,vinny and chin that most of the time greet me in the morning. I miss we hang out till late with chin's car, I miss going to sunway, dress up, and doing crazy stuff there, I miss shopping together and trying all the clothes, by time we ready we show off and giving opinion to one another which one is nice, I miss Gloria jeans, and starbucks! place when we are get bored of assigment!, I miss mamak! I miss the swiming pool, place for me to release my burden.I miss skyiping with edo and doing crazy stuff there. I miss crying in Alice shoulder! I miss telling them how I Love them! I miss the comfort, friendlyness and safety. and I miss the argue, fight and all the problem that appears. I really want to going back to you!!!

really, eventhough I have a lot of friends now,
I don't feel any of them are my close friend. it's really really difficult to find one. it's really really difficult to get one close friend.

wise word from hendry

hendry's wise word: go to sydney to see opera house, symbol of aussie, to melbourne for shopping, to perth to enjoy the view, to brisbane to enjoy the food,to goldcoast to enjoy the rides n drain ur money away n to ADELAIDE to live!!Adelaide is the best ever!!

and I'm totally AGREED!

Friendship goes right...

last November sunset in Glenelg

I think many people have their own desire about friendship. and for me, I'm trying to revise everything that me and my friend have been done. I want to repair all the broken connection, heal the pain, and enjoy the happiness of friendship. because I treasure all my friend and I don't want to lose any of them

So far so good, just that I realize that tittle of "best friends" never changes to other people.
that is why, I decided to go back Malaysia for one month, to meet my love ones, a quarter of my heart :)

What I believe is, even thought we are keep trying to hold our friendship with someone, we still need them to hold the other side. and when we keep trying and have faith on it, time will prove that our afford is a wasted. and God will choose, who deserve to be your close friends, and who aren't

I recon that I have few girl friends here, that Is why Alice, Vinny, and Christin still my bestfriend ever. and even though my guy's friends is a lot, but I still love Joko, Steve (my hubby) , and Don (my bro) as my friends that has special place in my heart. And don't forget Adrian that I always keep in pray for all your happiness that will happen to you :)

web cam in 1st dec

I love December! month that will close all the wonderful thing that happened in 2010, this is where I can show my fully love to them!. I'm going to Brisbane tonight, only for 8 days, and I've already imagine how much I will missing all of you, without laptop, Internet that connecting us!
and bobby, Arnold , Beethoven that won't be able to be my bed mate for a week.
I hope that this will be a wonderful Holiday for me. Gbless....

Satu jam saja

film terbaru vino G sebastian, udah dari october sich, but ini baru november gak masalah lah ya... keknya bakal jadi mangsa baru waktu balik indo...telat setahun dech aku nontonnya..widii



ini lagunya yg masyallah indahnya...



mau ngikutin perkembangan film ini?
SATUJAM SAJA << click

Back home

Finally, I find my way back home.

I know I don't go anywhere, but this sentence I use to draw the picture of how I am getting my self back.
Recently, I feel like I lose my self and all the emotion that I ever have, somehow it's questioning me where are they have gone? but now I figure it out, and I get it back.
Feel so reveal? ABSOLUTELY. knowing that I'm still the same person as one years back, I feel so glad that I'm not totally change. I did lost some of my bad behavior, but all the ego, optimistic, and stubborn is still there. I am having it right now!
This appears because I need those personality to fight with my self more, after all the manifestation that happened last week, I really had bless, and it's a statement for me to start a new stage in my spiritual life. the proof are; I can easily get angry, a lil bit negative thinking towards other, and I'm still a human. the good news is, the spirit of being different arises; I have plenty of time to change my hairstyle and colour to show my personality.

Lastly, I will ended this bloody topic with one story. I had a disappointment last night, because of the friend and club. and really I feel bad, and wasting time over there. We had fun, and had some funny experience, just that I don't feel it's something that I can proud of. It's just makes me think hundred times before I decide to go club again. It's not about what I have experience there, but more to why I don't feel comfortable being in the club, surround by those people, it's simply because club is totally not my place.

I'm back!

TOLERANT

"world is not black and white, there is sometimes you can't say the truth"

Yes, I'm agree with it. somehow, there is something that you need to tell or you need to do some white lie.
but you need to watch out in what context are you talking about.
If you include you as a GREY clan, there is no place you could stand in most of the places.
so stop being a LIAR and life in you bloody damn world with your mask! you can't do grey for your own freaking excuses! either you WHITE and HURT obviously you could heal, or BLACK and DIE! never come back to this earth again.

Somehow I'm tired of being patient and tolerant person and need to tolerate people like you.
dunia semakin aneh saja. huh

The best song that I love to listen in every Christmas

"To a world that was lost, He gave all He could give, To show us the reason to live"

He is my reason to live.

Confession of my friend

Another man drawn to deep confession because of his sexuality problem.
caused one girl lost partner in her life.
and the other two guys were suspect tbeing together as a partner, not bestfriend

Sometimes, it seems not fair to us, girl. Why should gay exsist in our society?God created Adam and Eva, not Adam and Steve.
but that is not their choice to born as gay,
and he couldn't denial their self that they really can't love opposite sex,
they are still a normal guy, with equal hope and happiness with us. just they couldn't love us as full.
Heard those fact so many times, still hurt my heart more. I feel they just break some image in my life. but it doesn't mean I lose any friends,
they are still the same friend of mine, that serve to have the right of being love and in love.

another case is something that makes me have a horrible feeling towards both, kind of hurt me so much, because I know them quite well, one of them hurt me before
and since the assumption was arise, I have a strong reason to accuse them.
but I hope it is not.

Really, It's not only me that hurt, It's not only me that needing.
The reality is, they need me more than I do. So, that is a enough reason to prevent me from being hurt, and excuse me to choose who the one deserve my tears.

But I still have fully heart to love them, as much as God loves me :)

Realization today

I'm tired to be a good girl..

I don't know why but suddenly I'm thinking that way.
I've been change a lot these days, because I close to God and committed to Him, I can't do something that sinful, or else will cause a strong guilty on me. strongly against my self.
and I've been fighting with my self, push my flesh down and doing things that can make others happy, because I believe, It will make my life more easier, with looking other people happy, that is what I like to do.
but, I just realize that something went wrong..
I've been really good these days, but there is nothing much I can do to make a problem solve better. I just redeem all the mistake that others did, without telling what they should do to make things right. I just have no brave to tell them the truth, I scared to hurt them.
now I realize It doesn't make any sense to me. I've been maintaining my self to be someone that can inspired to others, with being a role model and doing right things, consistent with everything that I do, never complain with any displeasure and unsatisfied with accepting the differ and adjust with environment as fast as I can. but I just don't feel it's a right..
I just far away from my old personality, seems something missing. I used to be someone that has strong feeling, optimistic, a bit selfish, doesn't really care about others, as long as I can do my things right, and I love to force others to do the right things that I think right.
maybe something bad about my self missing, and replace with something positive.

or it's just my mood that appears today?

tell me tell me.. what I should do next!!!
many friends tell me that I'm a good friend, too good! Is that a mistake or a gift?
but I'm still a human that sometimes angry and make a mistake. full of curiosity and want to try some dangerous stuff. and even I'm a good person, somehow I might deserve to get hurt and disappointment.just that I could figure it out easily, because I can't hate others.
Oh God, I don't know.. even when I'm being a good friend I still need to face rejection from my own friend! I feel like crying every time I remember it.. why, WHY he doesn't want me to be his friend?? what makes me doesn't deserve it?? what makes him doesn't like me??
WHY THIS IS SO DIFFICULT???!!!

being good person doesn't guarantee you to far from problem, but that is your calling to lighten others burden, and put it on you a little bit, because you have God who carry you, so you can help others.
maybe I'm just tired, maybe i'm just emo, I shouldn't think this way and totally change my self, because the truth is, I'm happy to do what I have done, nothing burden me to do all this things, this is me, this is me that has been change since I have God, and I have no harm to be back like who I am, because this is me. just need some improvement and make it rights. I want to be someone that can tell the truth, and never hide for others good.

good person might be forgotten, but right person that could make change will be remains by others.

No more drama...

short story about last night..
I was breaking down with undeniable fact of my friendship and the same heart broken for so many times.
but what made it worst I was sober, so I couldn't hide my feeling.
everyone knew, spontaneous reaction, nothing could hide.
ended I slept with hugging my EX boyfriend in the sofa.
that's enough to make me addicted,
and a bit lost of track

last sunrise in Ipad, that we've enjoyed together.

do you forget me?

I'm not the one who put the line between us,
I'm fine with anything, just that situation bring me far from you.
I don't belong to anybody, I have my own life, my own decision.
and I still have a plenty of understanding and love to share with.

but it can turns into anything bad when you bring this condition.
I don't know whether it's you- or someone that deliver the message to me were wrong,
whoever cause this, it's a critical condition that we need to work out, or else,
there is nothing worth called friendship anymore.

I'm not angry, just a bit disappointed.
and keep pray that my spirit is bigger than my flesh, to keep me loving you, not to hate you.

wish for Santa

"Nadia Nicole Santa... I want to work with you more, so I can earn alot of $$$ to pay my rent and all my expenses during holiday :P, the bonus is to get new DSLR and new boyfriend maybe? :P"

I don't know why suddenly this status appear on my mind,
been awhile after I'm working in Santa Land Myer, asked kids what they want to wish for Santa, then I realize that It's been awhile since I have nothing to wish for Christmas.
yea, this is just November, but Christmas seems coming very very soon...next week we will start an advent, and 4 weeks after that Christmas :)
I have nothing for Santa, not even a single sock, because all my socks are smelly, and I don't plan to buy a big one. but, since I'm working as a Santa helper in Santa Land I think It's ok for me to only wish without any offering - I'm big enough to understand that Santa has no time to give me any present.

Every kids has their own wish, some wants to have toy, video game, and some hi tech kids want to have Wii and Iphone (WTH??~~)
What I want it's just a simple things.. I want to work as Santa Helper more often, so I can earn more money to cover all expenses during holiday, the left over will be for my new upcoming DSLR , Simple.
But the controversial is the new boyfriend..,Whooopppssss~ what does it means? I also don't know.
I feel I'm ready to have boyfriend next year, maybe,someone that really suitable for my condition, I don't know, I hope that I can find someone that makes me more stronger and loved.
anyway, without any sexual appeal, which is I still not ready yet for this moment, and yeah.. I don't know.. It's just my human nature said so, nobody's want to be lonely right?

and moreover, I'm enjoying my day pretty well, always hang out,
and the weather that keep changing every hours make me sick, almost-slightly sick
but I recover fast because I'm happy

ok, ready to meet Santa?
back to work.

love need sacrifice, sacrifice means alot

Hey, finally.. I can have another baking cookies session
I do this for supporting all my friend that has exam. since I have nothing to do else then working, I planned to bake cookies to support them while they are studying.
I took the whole day to finish the bake
I spent a lot for the ingredients, and I burn my hand twice.. small one
but it's pain full when touch the water. doesn't matter
the cookies is not a normal cookies, the ingredients normal indeed, but something that make it special is the additional heaps of love from me :)
so, after everything done, my job is to deliver the cookies love to everybody.

and this is one of my story about delivering the cookies.

8pm, my friend waiting for me in rundlle to watch Harry potter premier,
but before that I need to deliver one box of cookie to Hendry, that apparently need to go Perth in evening. He is on the way from his house to currie street, and I decided to meet him in currie street bus stop.
but, when I was walking and haven't reach the bus stop, he said that he already inside the bus
I was in hurry,nervouse, but I don't care for the consequences I need to deliver this cookies to him.
so, I'm decided to waiting in the next stop of the bus, ask him to come out for a bit to deliver the cookies.
It's kind of impossible and the bus driver might angry with me, but I don't care, I don't want to give up to deliver this cookies.

when the bus coming, I wave my hand and it's stop, but he didn't came out. so I decided to go in and put the bus ticket and deliver the cookies to him. He was a bit feeling bad because he couldn't go out and I need to go in, but I'm so glad because I can deliver the cookies to him.
I came out from the bus in the next station, which is further down the city.
840pm, and my friend waiting for me, i need to walk all the way because the bus brought me quite far.

but, I was crying on my way ... because I just realize that to give some love need a lot of sacrifice, but it's hurt when there is no feedback from the other person. I mean I kind of disappointed when he didn't want to go out, and I need to go in first, to prove my sincerity to him.
but really I learn a lot today. I thought that I didn't really doing sacrifice with baked cookies for my friend, but actually I do a lot. just that I'm doing it with happily, so I don't mind.
really appreciate the gift from God, this love for others... :)

*add info: joko were there hiding in the back of the bus. Idk why they did that, maybe crisis trust

keluhan

You know what...
tomorrow I need to work 9am to 5 pm,
and I couldn't see Christmas pageant, - one of the biggest event in Adey :(
now I'm hungry like shit, but this bloody 00.38am~
I haven't get really well pangsai this morning, my stomatch not in a good condition.
there is 5 pimples that ready to pop up below my lips!
and the best thing is
I HAVEN'T DONE ANY WORDS FOR MY RESEARCH 2000K WORDS ESSAY THAT DUE THIS MONDAY.
no way for me to do, exccept: Monday it self!

God, I leave all my worries in You
I surrender....
and try to be excited :)

after love

I remember yesterday I was so down, looking for a comfort, secure and love.
I'm not sure whether those needs were fulfill, but the next day I have the most number of friends writing on my wall randomly,15 friends! and some of them really touch my heart.

I'm single now, even it's just 2 weeks relationship and we don't have to do 'things' much, somehow I hope it's longer than that.
It's just right for me to do this since I wanted freedom so much. I have no burden of being friends with him, but I have a lots of things to consider if he is my boyfriend. yea, it's just me.. I might a really good,true,best friend but I'm consider my self as complicated girlfriend. I'm thinking too much.

He is sick, I think it's flu~, for me it's consider bad because yesterday he can't really talk to me (I though he was angry) so after become a friend, I decided to cook him porridge. I like to take care of people, and I don't mind doing this for him.



I was walking from China town,to his place, which is 20 minutes walk, in 26 degrees weather,( even I used to hot weather but this is consider first time after 3 months winter) I don't mind tho, as long as I can deliver the love for him, and make him feel better. and honestly, I don't need anything in return, as long as he feeling better, and thinking that there is someone who care with him (ussually that is what people need when their sick) and the result is he appreciated it. the reaction was came abit late in my Fb wall, I hope it's really true for him.. because if it's consider joke again, I really won't trust him anymore. :)

I understand every people need procrastination, need a feedback from whatever that they have done, need appreciation. maybe yesterday I've just to worried, and thingking about it too much while everyone didn't ready to show it to me.
I know I'm loved, but I like to think that I loved them more, because I really have a plenty of love to share with my friends. why friends? it's easier rather than boyfriend. boyfriend is only one, you can only focused on him, but friends, you can do it randomly.. I'm a random people :)
For me, If I want people love me, I'm doing it with sharing my love with them, and I won't stop to love them. I don't know where I get this phrase, but as simple as - If you want being love, you must loved others first-

I don't need a boyfriend, I just need love. So, it's not necessary to have a boyfriend just to be loved.

"If friends were flowers I would not pick you! I'll let you grow in the garden and cultivate you with love and care so I can keep you as friend 4ever ♥- Quote Steve Jin"

Power of Facebook

Too many drama on facebook..
Life become more exciting and interesting because of facebook

and,..
I have participated in one of a short story,
about one couple that just get together, publish it on facebook, did many things together, adore each other, and make people happy with seeing them together, .. as in they are fully in love.
not much talking,more act, they just let everything goes in a flow.
responding people opinion about their relationship..
some were happy for them, some didn't believe, and the rest were questioning about the truth.
but there is many positive respond mess around their facebook.
The power of facebook is undeniable, the news are spread around the world, mouth to mouth, until there is no more words could give best answer to the friends and family.

The condition become awkward, facebook it's just a facebook..
does facebook never lie? It depends on the person, nobody can determine.. but, If facebook is becoming part of their identity, yes, they are in trouble.
Then the real complicated situation were occure, Is not only the status, but it is affect their relationship in real.

Nowdays, internet or facebook is no more just an entertainment or just a media that help us to escape from boredom, It changes becoming a part of people life, part of their identity,agenda in reality. interaction with their friends and the best medium to find out information about other people.
So, don't play with facebook.

:)

rindu...

Aku merindukan seseorang yang selalu punya senyum memikat.
Senyumnya itu nggak berlebihan, cukup, tapi menyimpan sejuta perasaan.
Kadang dari senyuman itu terungkap perasaan sedih, bahagia, dan cinta.. namun senyum nya nggak pernah berubah, selalu sama.
lewat medium apapun, senyumnya selalu terasa hangat. hangat di telinga, dan hangat dihati.

Sayang sudah seminggu lebih aku nggak melihat senyum itu.
mungkin karena kita sudah jarang ketemu, mungkin juga karena ego yang menghentikan langkahku.
Ego memang selalu menang, bahkan rindupun harus tertahan pilu untuk membenarkan itu

Kata orang, aku punya senyum yang sama.
Senyum tanpa beban yang selalu ceria, entah apakah senyumku sehangat senyumnya karena aku belum pernah merasakannya sendiri.
tapi yang jelas senyum itu adalah anugrah terindah dari Tuhan untuk memberkati sesama.

Aku rindu senyuman kita bertemu, melepas tawa dan memecah keheningan malam.
memberikan orang kehangatan, dan untuk hati kita -yang aku yakin- saling rindu satu sama lain.

*mari sobat kita berbagi senyum itu :)

Confession

If you sucesfully hold my hand, in a way that I like the most.

you had been sucessfully touched my heart.

better than nothing.

YOur.LoVe.My.LoVe.Fake.FeLLiNg.unSTabLe.He.crazY.TruSt.AFfection.Make.JuSt.TogeTheR.Up.EmotioNal.STatus.No GrcE.HuRt.ReConCilLiaTion.eGo.meMoriEs.unSEcurE.TouCh.WorriEd.MY.SElf.HeArT.paIN.LoOkgood.TimE.cARe.PaSSion.ConCerN.HuRt.StoP It.

good news!!

I'm not jobless in HOLIDAY!!! earn moneyy earn moneyy :)

today's question

question on my mind:

Who am I lying with?

and now...

I'm inside the game..

miss you buddies!

I miss my Indonesian buddies!

although we had been spending the whole day together,

I still miss them so much~

Confession about Friendship

Friendship goes up and down...
no matter what, I love all my friends as the way they are, I accept them with all the positives and negatives personalities,
because I believe we all in earth are born to complete each other. ( I don't talk about best friend now, the range is only friend - good friend)

I do love them with sincerely, as what my Dad said " Love your neighbor as yourself", and I'm tying to apply it in my everyday life. appreciate everyone's effort, not too much, not until worshiping or adore,as simple as give thanks because they are exist, and thank for being my friend
but sometimes, someone might be special in my eyes and deserve the admiration (in their certain behavior that I found totally cool)

Now,
The condition is just I don't like to stick in one group, I like to travel around the world, it goes in to my behavior which is I like to mix with anybody in other group.
If now I am not stick with one group, it's not that I have some hard feeling in particular reason, it's just maybe me, that too bored and wants to get new challenges with get to know new people.

that's all..

good piece of creation by Philip rom

Sunday mass incident

Last Sunday seems going to be another perfect afternoon for me, after what I had on Saturday, I always have a positive though on whatever I am doing.
spent with a new group of friends, I'm trying to mix up with the group, adjusting with the people. It doesn't trouble me so much because I knew most of them before. searching around the Sunday's market, and end up enjoying the whole afternoon beside torrents river. laying down at the grass, playing fun games, and sharing most of the time. really such a beautiful afternoon.
especially when I know that one of my friend which just get to know during outing, she also going to same church with me.. yeay! I will not going to Chuch alone

but then, it turns 180 degrees during the mass...
maybe it's only me that too concentrate and concern about people opinion on my behavior in the mass, especially I'm sitting in front of SFC's member
during the reconciliation (when the bread turns into body of Christ) and as usual, I keep my sacred position to adore the body of Christ,
suddenly there is a ring tone from someones mobile phone ringing...

Lauder...
and Lauder..

I didn't realize until Adela told me it was mine!
OH MY GOD!
struggling with a feeling of panic and shame, I nervously off my phone..
but It didn't turn off properly, because it's rang again in a second.
It was ivy..

I really really feel shame and nervous, I feel bad for my self, for destroy the whole mass, disturbing people, make others inconvenient and the best thing is all happened during reconciliation! :'(
really, I couldn't forgive my self of being reckless with this small thing, I should have silent the phone before mass and if I did it, I shouldn't have ruins up the mass..
reconciliation is the very sacred time in the mass, when everybody needs to praise and quitely follow the mass. and I just ruin up in a second.. with my mobile phone's ring tone!
really, I feel really bad, even until now.
maybe it's just my time, hopefully everybody didn't angry with me, I feel really sorry :'(
I promise, after now and so on, I will keep my phone silent, and never assume that it was in silent mode without checking it in the first place.

Life need a balance
Sometimes you are happy, sometimes sad
but however it's going to be, keep enjoy life!

23 October2010

CAN I STOP THE TIME PLEASE!!!!


I'm sooo happy today,
I'm too happy and really feel bless to what I did..
I thank Lord for everything that happened today, more than combo happiness, I'm too far from happiness, I'M SO HAPPY!!!!
Somehow, this is not fair, but really, I want time to stop now, so I can still enjoying this happiness, and hope tomorrow never come. I want to stay here. right now. and enjoying every moment that I had today...recalling one-by-one the feeling of happiness from several ocsassion that happened today

I proud of my self that I can overcome my fear with helping Chee and Fel to communicate last night, it was one moment that made me glad,made me sleep well,and I have a very GREAT afternoon that I spent with Fredrik! wonderfull till I won't forget it in the rest of my life.. The feeling of acceptance, the fresh air, the green park and the scenery of wedding...it's just perfect! I couldn't get more happy than this, but after that I planned birthday for Don, it's just a simple birthday, but He feel loved! He feel acceptance from us, and It's totally sucessfull (thx for everybody effort to came in his birthday :) ) and I agree to acompany Adrian Chan escape from his boredom with went out late night with Him,i-vy and Steve. We really get a great time, and Thank for Henry that make my night compelete with his home made sushi... I could feel his sincerely and love from the sushi.. I LOVE IT!

Lord, What can make me more happier than this???
Thank a lot! I feel alive :)

joke of the day

Ken is one of SFC's leaders, and tonight he posted a PM,
just that, his friends comment make me laugh, does it? HAHAHAHAHA

credit to my Fb news feed :)

SFC today..

I always had something after I went to the SFC's meeting..
that is why I loved being there.
something doesn't mean a food or gadgets
but knowledge to improve my Christian Life.

and some of it I got it from the words of my friend Ivyjane! (Hi Ivy :* )

Today she said that she would like to pray for her spiritual life,
Everyday, world let us to experienced a pain, trouble and frequently made us dissapointed. That's okay, as long as it's only physical and emotionally infected, It would be fine. because your spirituality will heal it gently.
But, If your spirituality was infected, It would be hundred times much much more harder to healed..


That's true...
hmm

Upcoming event

LORD!! I'm so Happy~~~
Is this reward for me...???

But That is still Saturday..
Am I be able to maintain my happiness till that day?
I hope everything will be fine.. one day Lord, one day..
give me that friendly comfortable feeling, for everything that gonna be happen..

MYCAR!

Thx for Grace n Jane that chased this car a took great shot for me.

IM FREAKING WANTS TO OWN THIS CAR AND THAT PLAT NUMBER IS SO MEE!!

any orange n purple color will suit my car best! haha

funny

joko

Yesterday, accidently ketemu joko d antara bus stop 106 rundle and Grenfell, kenapa aku bilang accidentally? soalnya aku ketinggalan bus dari Currie street and mau ambil the next bus di Rundle, tapi jalan ke bus stop d Grenfell st, nahh ketemu si joko di taman in between..
diya bilang lg exhausted and sakit...,so kita ke magill bareng lo..it's about 4pm..and he told me he wants to take a rest at home.
eh hari ini aku denger dia kerampokan.
this is the news from channel 7..

Jok, iman mu lagi di uji nich, jangan goyah ya.. Kamu nggak sendiri kok, wallmu penuh ama temen2mu yg care ama lu, tandanya lu dicintai.
Semua lost yg kamu alami, pasti bisa dikumpulin lagi pelan2.. tetep percaya, orang yg deket God itu selalu diuji imannya, jangan nyerah ya..trust that there is a great plan behind all those tragedy.

Lost motivatiion

Anyway, Aku lagi lost motivasi yah..
biasa, kalo udah kayak gini males dah ngomong English pengennya ngomong Indonesia, bahasa Jawa Timur, or Malangan sekalian.. haha
Bukan gara2 pre menstruasi ato moody, period is already past, baru habis tepatnya.
Yah anggap aja kalo itu impact dari Menstruasi yang telat, It's still call lost motivation whatever the reasons are.
Bawaannya pengen di rumah mulu, pengen di tempat yang nyaman, aman dan santai..
nggak pengen challange, nggak pengen cari temen, nggak pengen ngerjain tugas
maunya cuman nata diri, nonton movie, dengerin musc, masak, all the house activity will do
Kalo kayak gini kurang lengkap tanpa orang2 yang bisa membuat aku nyaman, because so far, no one in Adelaide could make me feels like I'm home. no body can really be someone to share with, talk to and sombody that really be the next best friend in my life.
Pengen deket mama ( meskipun bakal berantem mulu), atleast ada Alice, Vinny, Christin, Casper, ahk..pokoknya ank2 Dreamers semua lah....
soalnya kalo ada mereka nyaman banget, mereka udah ngerti aku tuh gimana orangnya, in the other words, I don't need to proclaim and explain to them the reason why I'm doing something..
And, It's really difficult to find someone that really accept the way you are, I really aware that It needs a long process, not one or two days, It might takes years...

And now, Even I really lazy to go out from my comfy territory, I still need to step out from it..
because All the assignments are waiting for me. Even some of them made me frustrated
Yeah, namanya juga kuliah... belajar.. kalo nggak mau stres ya nggak usah kuliah ya to... belum lagi ntar kerja ... Alamak...
Masalah assignment nich juga yang bikin aku agak depression... The lecture always said a good stuff at the front, like all the student done a fantastic job, and average mark is C, tapi muncul2 cuman dapet p2, ngasihnya pelit banget... jadi berasa dodol saya :'(

In the first place, aku udah bilang kalo aku tu nggak terlalu pinter, tapi ok lah untuk seukuranku... suka brainstorm, mau belajar, ada usaha, creative... tapi kalo masalah languanges emang tetep jadi hambatan yah.
Atleast, I really want to learn..meskipun aku bisa dibilang cuman "P" person... P1, P2 enough la... kalo masalah design, movie, presentation I expect my self to get C keatas...
Aku suka major ku kok, Communication.. aku nggak merasa ini itu joke or sampah, cause I learn something, and this where my passions are..
tapi kalo udah namanya lost motivation.. mau ngomong ngalor ngidul juga kayaknya bull shit.
Bisa dibilang aku lagi males ngadepin reality yang pasti selalu menantangku..
Usually, If people want to avoid the reality, they usually watch movie or sleep to kill the day..
at least I'm not doing it tho.. watch movie iya lah kemaren..soalnya emang lagi kagak ada kerjaan... kalo hari ini (Lost motivation kan hari ini) aku masih sempet work out, lari2 di park, connect with people in FB.. sms temen.. masih exist lah. walau nich internet yah lemotnya masyaallaaahhh....ngalah2i netnya indo..tetep sabar..
And I still remember that there is someone that waiting for me, while I'm enjoying my lost motivation time. Ooops.. did I just said "enjoying"? berarti nggak bener2 lost motivation donk benernya.haha
I'm a person that easy to be motivated, and I love to motivate others.
Yang nunggu aku itu God ama Holly spirit maksudnya.. If I have God, I will not down that easy.

Oh ya, My "lost motivation's time" following by the melody of mellow korean music that I've just download yesterday night, Gothcha! finnally I can updated! I'm listening to the one of the old boyband, they have amazing voice... 4men, boleh di check :)

Even I love Worship song, but I couldn't put aside my identity, Korean mellow song.
That will always make my life meaningfull, and that is how I enjoy every second in my life.

yeah, shot update~oops.. actually quite long
X.0.X.0

Diet starting Tommorow.

I'm gaining weight...

Yea, I think I've gain weight.

Because of Winter end, then spring coming with the same degree Celsius that I had in tropical country like Malaysia and Indonesia, give me the same impression of the same lifestyle that I had before, same appetite, same sensation and habitually, the same!
I found out that my eating disorder are back. OH EM GE
always hungry, and keep eating a small amount but unstoppable, I've been shopping a cooking like thousand times and all finish in a count of days!
This is spring, summer, need to wear something special, when the time we showing our body shape, my fatty actually growing, ye right!
But, That is good reason because I can have the same amount of spirit of work out at the same time, keep it balance with my big appetite of enjoying snack- my new fav, and finish one box of cookies for one study session ( I hav plenty for a week)
and yeah, and I decided to pull back my normal lifestyle with healty living

DIET START TOMORROW.
Safe money, Safe energy.

Even I need to sacrifice some of the moment, such as no dinner, misss out some gathering because I couldn't sleep too late
or being left out because I need to have more time with my self.
no worries, as long as I can get back my spirit of loosing weight, back to my vission and mission,
For Me, I don't want to spend the rest of my single life with being fatty and uncountable because of weight,

God help me to back in my track!

realize

I just realize that my penjajakan is always with a fight...
with a violent action.. or argue.
even when I'm changes now, I'm still doing it.
kind of difficult to start it with peaceful..
yes, you know I have not enough charm to be a good kind of girl
to make other people attract to me immediately
but when I'm fighting, act like a guy and do harsh thing, everything will be not awkward
and really easy to minggle.
oh gosh... kind of tired
I wish I could start with something that can bring up my value as a girl, appreciate me as a God creature with some admirable maybe?
Not with the fight or something abnormal that will not gain any pain.. kind of had enough.
I really need to try, not start in this way,
some of experiences told me that if the guy can't control their emotion, they tend to abuse us
hmmm
but yea, I hope that God gimme a way, at least a choice to get to know someone without doing violent thingy
sometimes it's kind of tiring tho..

Me always be what I want to be, eversince I try to throw it from my life, it's still be part of me.
ME always be Me. even when I'm physically change, Inside never totally change.,

plagirism korean style by Indonesia boyband

but some of them are good looking! AHaHAHAHA

I'm gonna tell you ......

OKE..start!

I'm gonna tell you that I have 3000++ words of assignment,
will due less then 24 hours.

I'm gonna tell you that now I'm stuck on 1.5 k words
and it's still rough draft with unorganized research structure

I'm gonna tell you that I don't even understand deeply on my question
changing my mind in every start, I don't know how to answer it properly

I'm gonna tell you THIS IS 9 UNITS SUBJECT
the difficulty can make you want to jump to hell

I'm gonna tell you I'm stuck!
but I still can laugh unconsciously on facebook

I'm gonna tell you that I need someone to help me think logically
usually Alice will do it for me

I'm gonna tell you usually I wrote blog to clear my mind
and believe after doing this I can have more inspiration

I'm gonna tell you that I plan not to sleep tonight
make my self awake with any possibility to make this assgment right

I'm gonna tell you I'm woldn't give up!
even only to get a P1!

I'm gonna tell you that I'm not sure that I can get p1
maybe p2, as long as it's not failed

I'm gonna tell you that I CAN DO THIS!
with Jesus Christ everything is possible

Amien.

My new method of doing assigment

eyaaaaaaaa!! :P
5 seeds cider with 5.0% alcohol. excellent!

-is not- A joke in class

Today, during the Com n Org lecturer, we were talking about the workers that migrant in other country
This is started by one Australian guy, my friend who took the same Creative feature writing subject, asking about the loads of Asian migrant to other country because of the job.
I pretty blur about it, until they talking about who work-where.
the lecture asked, who work the most in Singapore? so some of the students said Malaysian, Indonesian and so on...

"...and what about Malaysia?"

and one of them said "Indonesian" , yea that's my country..
" .... and why they work there?" Collete threw a question , I said in medium volume,
" because we have loads population"
but one of the Malaysian student,-who has big mouth and always pretend like she is the best speaker in class- said
" because they only know how to make babies".

I was pretty rebel at that time, "oh yea, I will make baby after this " shouted me,
and Eva-my Malaysian friend tab my shoulder. (thx eva!)

This is totally not a joke for me, she should watch her mouth carefully!
try to put her self in our shoes, and see what her reaction.
If you talking about Indonesia, you are talking about 470 million people that live in a huge land. compare with Malaysia that only 28million, not even 10% of our population! is only can compare with Jakarta- one city in Indonesia.
and Imagine how hard to lead this huge country?
Even your datuk might not be able to handle it.

Hey woman! If you can answer this question with a correct answer.. then you can say that we only know how to make baby..
*sigh!

a Question

" Why you can be this happy everyday? "

asked a friend of mine.
It's kind of creepy question when you actually don't realize that you do it.

Well, most obviously, because I have someone that loves me everyday, and I can feel it really true , in every second in my life.

That's why I'm always happy :)
*thanks for threw this question to me

another good medley

In my stressfull day

Yeah, I'm here... but apparently when I'm writing this blog, I'm not alone

I spent the whole day looking for some resources but I couldn't get it. I'm struggling with Com n Org assignment, 3 k word with 20 references which I haven't get any! and due on this Friday. not only that, I have 1,5 k profile that due in the same day.
Oh Lord save me from this pathetic weeks... "@#?$%@$&*>?"
I'm traveled to every library in the city: City east, City West, even I went to Magill
but they all close because it's Labour day, and I wasted one day without doing any assgment.
at least I'm trying....
yea, it's kind of sucks day, and I was alone traveling to the whole city in almost 3 days in a row.
but somehow, I've kind of enjoyed it.. maybe I need to have some rest and being lonely to giving my self space for better reflection after everything that happened to me these days...
but, even when I'm physically alone, I knew I'm not....
and when I'm traveled, I'm actually meet alot of friends, but just say hi and bye..
I drop by in Jason's house, meet Adrian leong in City east, and meet Adrian Phang in Rundle mall...we end up enjoying our self in Victoria square, like what I did with jony yesterday
I'm thingking again.. I'm not exactly alone. I meeting everybody in different sequence and time, and share them a small place in my life, something that worth to remember :)

Yea I believe in one quotation...

‎"A coincidence is a small miracle in which GOD chooses to remain s0me0ne

yea, and I'm absolutely agree with it ;)
although sometimes I don't believe that it suppose to called as "miracle"
because miracle is something that you need to believed as a gift. when I try to believe on it once, I was drawn in it, and I'm actually falling for someone... you know, loving someone means hurting your self.
I don't want that to happen anymore. and I could see when that I've overcome it when the coincidence happened again to us this afternoon :), I don't feel anything, anymore.
but yea, miracle seems doesn't suit me now, especially for love.

Anyway, I gotta do my assignment...
:)

I'm girl, but I was a boy

Even when I'm perfectly change my behavior become more feminine, the truth is still reflect who am I.

yea, I'm girl, but I was a boy

as you know, all the past that I've been through can't lie that I'm a very boyish person and it's critically dangerous because I almost step out the line and become more masculine that you have never imagine.
I'm a younger of 3, and I have 2 brothers. imagine what experience I could experience.
each of every brother has their own way to train me how to be a boy. with military service every day, they ask me to become keeper, to beat them in the basketball game, or follow whatever training that their order, basically all is physical appeal.
when it comes to dressing, I've always exchange clothes with my brother, so there is no way for me to have a girl dresses, and I don't even know how to be pretty.
until there was one day in my elementary school, a girl from neighbor's school confess her love to me.. and that was a shocking moment before I realize that I've made her broken heart.
this is going on until high school.., until one point I've open my eyes and I couldn't pretend like a guy anymore. It could be dangerous for me because If I involve on a fight, I'm not be able to beat them, their power is too strong for me. that is why, I decided to turn my path,follow by nature of being a girl

I've been trying so hard to change my self perfectly. make people think that I'm 100% a girl, not a boy.. with a new environment and friends that benefit me to be able create a new image of my self.
I want them to appreciate what I have, and look at me as someone who deserve to be protected. although sometimes my behavior doesn't seems reflect at all (I'm a strong girl).
Honestly, I'm enjoying that moment, especially when a guy offer me to go date with them in personal, It's kind of relief to know that others can appreciate my existence as a girl.
so, I choose my path, and leave all the hash behavior that had been planted on my self.

Recently, I discover that it's easier to mingle when you pretend like a guy, behave like them, and positioning in the same way as them. they more comfortable to interact with you, to have a physical touch, and to mingle with you
and I think It's easier to make them falling in love with you, or at least.. close to you.
I discover it because my experience of failure close to someone, I used my feminism theory, place my self as someone that maintain her image as a girl, and at the end I got nothing else then broken heart.
So,I try to practice it, become a boyish girl in my new environment... It's work.

Sometimes I feel glad that I could mingle with no border,

But,

Somehow, I feel sad because I sacrifice my effort of building the feminine on me.

I am is who I am...
I know I can still have both of my personality, but yet still being loved
as long as i know the limit and still keep trust that I am a girl, although I was a boy