DONE!

Hey! I'm finishing assigment... can't wait to attend learn how to cook indian food for homless people tomorrow! excited? eventhough I don't know where is salvation army is.

stress- what am I doing?

"This assignment starts to freaking me out"

due date is coming, everything become so creepy and stranges. I even have an cranky syndrome like can't sleep, hearing some noises at night and woke up earlier than usual,

I knew It's not a good start, especially when the time I step up from house and met a lot of strange people with hopeless look gazing at me. OMG, really freaking out my day. I'm so nervous. I decided to call one of my friend and It's really relieve me a little, at the end he concludes my symptoms as a stress symptoms. Cheers!

My life is changing, I don't know why, and It always happen. as what my subject said previously, identity changes every time, and that's where I am now. I following my daily activity, at the same time it changes the way I interact with people. but seriously, I'm still the same person. I met one of my good friend last semester, he ask what I've been doing these days, and as what I told everyone, "I always at home and I don't hang out with everybody". and he said " That's really not you!",

and I starts to questioning my self "Is that what am I really doing?"

Okay let's take a look what I am really doing these days: I have afternoon class in Magill at Monday, and I always catch bus before 3, and finish around 6, reach city around 7, that is enough for ended the day with going home and watching TV at Tuesday, I have class 5-8 pm, and have a group meeting before or after, probably come to city west early for preparing choir songs, always come back late, usually around 10pm . Wednesday, don't ask me, that's the busiest day ever. I have continuing classes for tutorial-lecture-tutorial from 3-7 and I need to run for a choir meeting until 11 pm. Thursday and Friday might be my off day, I have no uni, and I use this day for my self, or most probably assignment, because we have a group assignment which we need to discus certain reading- since I'm not master in this, I need more preparation and usually I'm doing it in Thursday. at Friday afternoon, I go to church from 5 to 7 and most probably will chill out with Joko, and build each other spirituality. Saturday and Sunday: Every Saturday I have basketball with BIC friends that will take until 2pm.and there is always an events going on, like last week I went to retreat with SFC the whole weekend, this week will be a recollection for KKIA and next week there is Sheila on7 concert following by IndoFest on Sunday. am I really not doing anything?

Maybe I don't hang out so often because now I have community to serve,and I really need to manages time for my self as well. and I have a settle schedule that I need to follow, and commitment to be consider as well. I'm not just playing, but I also serving. Maybe that's the reason why I have this syndrome. I might have not hang out with my "last semester friend" as often as before, and never have time to attend any pub crawl or international student party that happened in weekend because there is always activity waiting every weekend. But the routine that I have right now, plus assignment which I don't really get how to do it,really make sense of my stress syndrome. I have a routinises now, not only hang out for fun.

So please Nadia, understand yourself that you are actually doing a lot of things than last semester. you do a good job okay, please be STRONG!

character that I need (4)

After previous post of me about "Friends from God",

I started to questioning my self, what actually I need from a friend.

We do experience all the type of friendship which come and go, and some of them are stay and build our character, even though their left, but they might left some footsteps in our life, that make us changes, and teach us to do certain things. but what am I actually looking for in persons character?

Frankly speaking, I don't ever regret for whoever I have hung out with, even it's for a reason or for a season, everyone is great, and the next step that will happen is "are they will stick with you for a long time?"

this question will be answered after you step up on certain stages of friendship. Friends that I have made will stick with with me for a long term when we full fill our need in physical and psychological. Problems are actually one step further to this stages. mostly, after I have a fight or misunderstanding with a friend and figure out our feelings to each other and have a reconciliation, our friendship will be stronger than usual.

and for me similarity in culture and moral is really important to continue our friendship, even when you have different beliefe, If we have similiarity in thought and could find the way each other thinking, it's still works

And most important is, I'm actually looking forward for a long process of friendship for my partner in the future. because it's a really important steps for me before I decided Is he the one in my life, that I can stand for a long time.

So in this case, faithful person is the one I need, friendship need a commitment, marriage need a hardest and stronger commitment. and during that friendship we can find out does he someone that can be cooperate even when Love is hardly to feel any more? someone that knows his responsibility?. this characters i believe not easy to figure out in 2 or 3 months of friendship, but Lifetime :)

friends from God

hmm, where would you be?

SFC' retreat

Hey,
I just came back from the SFC's retreat for the whole weekend.

honestly I have no expectation about this retreat, I just want to be active in this community, and maybe seeing everybody and try to catch up with them.

but, although there were few of us who can make it, but really it was wonderful retreat. How can I conclude that? I will tell certain part that made it wonderful.

1. The House

we are staying in the two story retreat house and honestly I can say, it's pretty scary and old style. there are plenty of rooms, 7 at downstairs and heaps more upstairs. a lot of big rooms and places for chilling. Heaps of statues and antique furniture combine with flowery pattern and lace makes it pretty comfortable and at the same time, horror. Every room has handle even in the corridor, it shows it's designed for elderly people. there is a underground rooms which very dark and dusty. we used it to scares many people down there. the rooms is connected. from kitchen to living room to TV's room, and to laundry room. the best thing is in upstairs the arrangement of the furniture is unusual, I reckon because people rent this house before and didn't arrange it properly and made it like abandon rooms, and the location of the rooms looks like one of the quarantine scene when the police trying to go inside the rooms and find the zombie, we always get scared when on and off the light even all together came up.

I LOVE MY ROOM! the room is so comfortable even it's abit creepy. it's a single bed with flowery bed sheet and soft colour blanket. the curtain is pink colour and It has a big white wardrobe. really clean. there is a small reading table and table lamp, it's become my sleeping lamp as well, so i don't sleep in the dark. there is an electrical blanket and heater to avoid me from the coldness night. a lot of hanger, and there is a sink inside the room, weird but it does make so much easier for me. the best is I have my own room for the whole weekend. If there is room like that in city I would like to move out.

2. The Talk

it's pretty flexible and a lot of gab between, from 5 talks that we had, I reckon Alicia's talk was the hardest for me. It's about healing

When she says about it, I was thinking " oh, I'm alrite.. I don't hate anybody, maybe I have wound but God's healed me". Yes, It's true. and Alicia continue to say about how humane pain is, and it's ok to have a wound because if we coincidently cut, it's will bleeding. she said we need to be honest to our self and don't let the pains become bitter. So, she asked us to open our heart and give up all out bitterness to God, and let Him heal. I have never experience healing before. I haven't going to any "retreat awal" or "reteat luka batin" in Indonesia, so I guess I'm fine. but I'm not.

Alicia's asked us to write down 3 things that cause our pain, and 3 person who did that. she gave us time.

When first I wrote about the things that cause me pain, my self become introvert. kind of hard to thinking about something that we don't like, make us look reallyweak. but I tell my self "be honest Nadia, It's ok".then I started to write about 3 things that I hate the most, things that people keep doing to me and hurt me so much ; rejection, unfairness and betrayal.

after this stage is really the hardest for me ; 3 people that cause the pain.

honestly, It didn't take me so long to think about the persons who did to me,but having to write down their name one by one, my tears dripping, and I'm starting to sobbing.

those name are really brings out my painful experience and begin to crave my heart. write their name in this paper give me an extremely guilt feelings, I feel like I wrote their name in my dead note. and I realize 3 names is never be enough for me, I wrote more than 6 person inside. gosh.. now I know how imperfect I am. it's still so painful until the end of the session when we need to flip our paper and throw it to the bin, symbolise of forgiveness.

in the end I overcome it, I understand my pain now, and I will let God to do the rest of it.

3. Parable

I got it when I was packing up my stuff suddenly my Roxy's zip broken. I know it's really hard to fix it, and I remember my mom said forget to repair it better to changes it with new one. but this is my new bag, I just used it twice, and there is no one will changes for me unless I pay for it. and I don't want to give up. Maria and Rex tried to help me but thx for trying. I really have faith on it that I can repair this, I just need passion and some tools like ; scissors

everyone were waiting for me so I decided to bring my bag home and repair it at home, since I have better equipment at home.

Indeed, It's really hard, but I really have faith on it. the hardest part is to merge the track and put in on the head of the zip. gosh.. it's so hard especially when I need to merge is one by one all the way from the beginning to the end, and put it on the head.

It's like a parable of the marriage, when a couple loosing the track, we need to make it right slowly, on by one, putting all together, from the begining id it's need, make it a synchronised, one mission and vision so we can put the head on and walking in the track again. gosh it's so simple but so hard to do that, hardest then repairing a zip.

4. Always fun with SFC!

Yeah as what I said, I don't care about culture gab between us that makes me hard to communicate with them, especially because I don't really hang out with them and sometimes I can't catch their joke.

but whatever it is during retreat everything is gone! we really have so much time together, singing, playing card, play in the beach, eat together, especially when horror part coming, they are so so so hilarious! honestly I'm a little bit scared of all ghost stuff. but when I'm alone, I'm alrite, worst is if I'm with people that scared of ghost, I will become coward.

The best night is the last night. after earth hour someone turn on the light in upstairs, the consequences is we need to turn off it again.Maria ask John, ask Marc, ended up everybody going upstairs only for turning off the light! Rex is my man! he make everything so excited, with act so heroes and brave. ate Mon is the bravest among us, where as the rest follow behind her. before we reach up stairs, everyone was screaming looking at the corner room that really creepy. when we entering rooms Maria and Marc shouting because John trying to close the light to scares them, Rex adding some creepy story to make it more horror. we like pushing each other and trying to escape whereas there is nothing happen. in the end we all laugh.

We did go to the jetty for some fishing, again it's ate Mon and Rex's idea, ended up we shivering and came back early.

Oh what a wonderfull weekend, hope to have this in every weekend.

<3 all SFC's brother and sister , hope we can waste more time together :)

daripada setres

ditengah tengah kesibukan UNI dan tugas tugas yang lain
aku nyempetin buat menjenguk dunia musik Indonesia tercinta.
yang lagi ngetren : BOYBAND INDONESIA
beberapa boyband bermunculan setelah SMASH, yang awalnya emang banyak kontroversi
but honestly, dari awal aku emang duku SMASH banget, kalo nggak ngapain juga follow twitter and subscribe official channel mereka di youtube.
but sekarang ada 2 boyband yang muncul : max5 and NSG

for me, I prefer NSG dari segi suara ama penampilan mereka udah jauh lebih siap dari SMASH
MaX5 masih mentah banget, cuman konsep MV nya colorfull banget lah kayak BIG BANG - tapi secara aku nggak suka BIG BANG yah sudahlah nggak usah mbahas mereka XD
NSG lebih kayak 2AM yah..

check this out, my fav song from NSG

dari pembuatan clip yang nggak terlalu lebay, dan lagu yang sangat harmonis, aku bisa kasih point 8 untuk boyband yang baru debut. kalo mau bandingin sama si cenat cenut yang jauh lebih mentah dari mereka NSG tergolong siap untuk di perjual belikan. apalagi anggota2nya udah represent indo banget, ada yang abang2 sunda (rian) , mas2 jawa (anggara), koko2 (surya lee) , dan orang ambon2 gitu (gege)

ini video yang agak korea korea :)

ada lagi yang niru BIG BANG, karena pada dasarnya aku ngak suka BIG BANG, dan group ini MAX5 masih kocar kacir banget kalo dibanding yang lain. jujur aku sampe ga berani nonton sampe akhir. check this out.

katanya video max 5 ini plagiat nya BIG BANG yang with you , secara aku nggak suka big bang ya udah lah ya.. XD

dibalik persaingan boyband indonesia yang semakin sengit aja, si pelopor SM*SH blas tetep jadi nomer satu, kenapa? karena qualitas mereka bener2 di maintain, apalagi karena mereka ketambahan satu anggota baru which is rafael. aku sempet betanya2 kenapa mereka nambah2in anggota sementara group mereka itu udah tergolong banyak (6 orang) ternyata, si rafael ini punya tampang oriental yang bisa menggait cece indonesia, biar SMASH ga dibilang alay... cakep juga idenya :)

so, mari kita lihat perkembangan SMASH

dan juga pas dahsyat award, mereka jadi salah satu ngisi acara. kayaknya emang virus cenat cenut lagi meraja lela di indonesia

rafael not bad lah ya, secara tampang boleh juga, bisa ngimbangin anak2 smash yg lain buat dance ama nyanyi. tapi yang jelas, morgan tetep the best, meskipun jujur ada beberapa penampilan yang morgan keliatan low profile banget. tetep dech go morgan!

aku orangnya nggak racis, dan sangat menghargai music2 indonesia. jadi model2 kayak gini aku sangat tolerir dan mendukung. aku lebih memilih jadi supporter daripada jadi haters yang cuman mau cari sensasi aja, menghargai karay2 Indonesia yang emang kalo dibandingin ama korea ato barat masih jauh, namanya juga udaha. yang pasti, kalo kayak gini aku mending follow mereka aja daripada band2 korea yang makin gak jelas LOL # alay.com

Finally Indonesia punya their own boyband. lega rasanya....

I think I'm in a war

"... Sbb kamu tahu, bahwa dlm persekutuan dgn Tuhan jerih payahmu tidak sia-sia." 1Kor. 15:58

aku nggak tau sedang dalam perjuangan apa, ato sedang dalam perang apa. but I really feel so hard and stressful, everytime I'm thinking about certain things.

maybe one of the reason is because what happened in the previous post, or maybe because of the other bunch of problem that I facing right now. or this might one of the war while I am following Him to self-denial and fasting.

but seriously, I'm not going to give up. I might need some rest like what I'm doing now- skip one of the activity- but it's not going to take longer, I won't quit, and I will going through this way as it was I chosen to be.

percaya bahwa dalam persekutuan dengan Tuhan, jerih payahku nggak akan sia sia.

:)

pikiran manusia

tiap kali aku gundah, aku berusaha untuk berfikir positif, tentang apa yang terjadi hari ini, besok, ato di masa yang akan datang.

mungkin di mata manusia itu nggak mungkin, namun kalo Tuhan mau itu terjadi, yah jadilah terang-kalo kata ko gideon.

anyway, I have a situation here.

jujur aku sedang kebingungan, you knows woman's natural behaviour - thingking too much.dan dilengkapi dengan bumbu bumbu emotional

I need to handle that really good, and take it easy.

soalny tugas pelayanan, dan beban yang dipercayakan itu nggak gampang, apalagi kalo harus dihadapi sendiri - ok pikiran manusia lagi, soalnya aku kan nggak bener2 sendiri.

tapi kalo medengar seseorang mau mundur, kayaknya hatiku menangis.

aku berusaha untuk bangkit dengan tidak berfikir tentang hal hal yang nggak p erlu-jujur aja, cuek itu kadang berfungsi- tapi kalo yang menangis lebih dari hanya diriku dan emosiku, aku bisa apa?

mungkin emosiku bilang aku takut kehilangan orang itu,

takut kalo orang itu nggak around,

takut kalo nggak bisa, nggak tau harus lari kemana ,

aku takut jalan sama orang yang nggak aku percaya

semua alasan manusia ini selalu bersarang di otakku.

makes me feel uncomfortable. and with sharing this my human thought in my pages makes me feel a little guilty because I can't handle by my faith.

but let's make this fair...

kalo dia bisa ngomongin tentang semua alasan manusiawinya tiap kali dia mau mundur, aku juga berhak ngomong di page ini tentang rasa kemanusiaanku.

tentang aku yang tetep seorang manusia yang terdiri dari daging dan tulang, sedang bertarung dan sangat butuh dia, sebagai mentor, sebagai teman seperjuangan, dan sebagai penyemangat.

dan betapa sakit hatiku tiap kali dia ngomong tentang itu- meskipun aku bahagia banget pas dia bisa terbuka ma aku.

apalagi ketika aku tau keadaan nggak mendukung dia untuk melakukan apa yg dia mau, mendesak dia dan menyulitkan dia menghadapi hidup. bener2 membuat aku sedih.

It's totally none of my business, but this is how I concern about him

I'm not afraid to lose him, I'm not a person who comfort to depend on someone.

but I hope we can really go through what God's intended us to do. without too much concern about negative things that not going to happen

Really I hope you listen carefully what God's want in you life, without interrupt His words. I believe that you deserve a rest-there will be a time when it given to you.

bonus picture! (secret)

perbedaan antara warna kulit perut dan tangan XD

MY story

hey! I made it!

this is the incredible video made from amazing techology special for me

visit my story

if i can do, you can do it too :)

anniversary will be?

12 April 2009 it's easter 2009,

we celebrate our 1st year anniversary 4 april 2010

this year is 24 April 2011

we have different anniversary every year :)

TemanS

aku bahagia karena aku nggak sendiri

ketika aku berteriak minta pertolongan,

Tuhan berikan aku seorang teman,

Tuhan berikan kamu.

meskipun kamu hanya seorang teman,

kolaborasi kita telah membuat banyak kemenangan,

hingga menjadi satu titik balik dalam hidupku, untuk terus bertahan.

bertahan di Adelaide, karena aku punya secerca harapan.

Teman,

Aku nggak tau lagi kalo tiba2 kamu menghilang,

siapa yang akan mengisi kekosongan hati?

*thx buat orang yang sudah membuat banyak improvement dalam hidupku

:)

It's me, now

Jujur aja belakangan ini aku jadi agak susah ngomong english lagi,

kalo semester lalu cas cis cus sambil ada logat aussie, sekarang untuk njawab orang aja aku mikirnya lama.

ini dikarenakan aku lebih sering ngomng indonesia, sama jowoan tiap hari. humph...

sekarang aku udah nyaman di adelaide karena banyak banget orang indo disekitarku, kadang kenyamanan emang butuh sesuatu yang berindikasi home town, nahh akibatnya yah gini..nggak bisa ngomong english... mantaphhhh

gain something..loss something.

masalah gain something loss something, aku sedang mengambil sebuah keputusan yang tampaknya bisa merubah jalan hidupku.

tentang aku yang mau extend another semester in Adelaide, dengan drop one subject yang pasalnya udah d plan dengan sangat cantik, lulus bulan july, tapi karena drop satu , jadi molor ke bulan december.again, for the seek of staying another semester in Adelaide.

what I concern is .. I don't want to leave Adelaide. this is my last chance to learn a lot of stuff in Australia, I might not be able to come back again in the future.

and there is something that bond me, the peoples. I have more than good friends and family, which I'm not ready to leave them.

the consequences is, I might loosing some chance that comes up after july- chances about my future, who knows? then if there is, I need to let it go. I love to stay another semester in Adelaide although cause me loosing some chances.

dan... dari semua ujuk2an ku diatas.. aku juga pengen bahwa any decision that I will make, it's really what God's want to happen in my life. nah ini yang bikin suatu perdebatan olehku n dion.

Dion bilang dalam kondisiku sekarang, apapun yang aku putuskan, kalaupun itu salah, Tuhan akan membenarkan. means, asalkan nanti tujuannya sama, walaupun jalannya berbeda Tuhan bakal selalu menyertai.

Ibarat banyak jalan menuju Roma, kalo Tuhan maunya jalan A, terus aku ini skrg lagi di jalan B, asalkan sampainya juga ke Roma, Tuhan akan selalu menyertai.

tapi karepku kalo Tuhan mau jalan A, ya aku maunya cuman jalan A..., kalo jalan B takut ntar ada apa2 meski sampainya sama2 ke Roma

lha kok aku jadi merasa egois sekali yah...??

Kalo misalnya Tuhan ngabulin kemauanku buat stay di Adelaide, bukannya bagus walaupun itu bukan jalan A, kan berarti God grant my wish and gv me a chance to explore more and enjoy my life. it's good. and everything that will going to happen when I'm passing jalan B, God will always there for me.

I think I shouldn't let those thought occupy my mind.

Anyway, 80% towards the decision of dropping subject. I have already drop my subject actually, just waiting to arrange another study plan.

God bless me.

What a lovely day

What a lovely day!!

with news that came from both of my good friends. which is THEY GOT THE JOB!

I'm really happy for them since they are always in my top of the list,

totally happy for their new life! and hope Lord contin

ue to bless them through out their life.

and now, It's my turn to keep my self in quietness, doing what I want to do for them

and keep them in prayer.

I have a matter that I need to figure out as soon as possible,

I'm not afraid, but It's really important decision that need me to concentrate and take a risk, something that can scratch a history in my life.

whatever it's going to be, I want it to be God's will in my life. I don't want to be reckless and simply take a risk for nothing. I want to be something meaningful.

Pray for me,

:)

Changing image

Identity change,that is the topic of my iccs this week but it also something that i am facing right now

Sometimes when I try to remember what I was doing last semster, it's kind of hard work for me. push my limit, being the best charachter for everyone. How I am getting so many friends, trying to get to know everyone, become one of the influencial person,attending all the events and ask everybody to join, exploring australian culture with all the pub n club thingy, end up with hangover and mini dramas . huff, now I've kind of tired to repeat again.
when i flash back all that happenned,although I learned a lot of stuff, I think I get enough.

I've kind of tired to look for a new friend, asking the same question again and again, trying so hard go get to know them meanwhile the next day they are gone. tired for maintaining everybody to get in touch whereby they don't do anything to catch up, I had enough of listening to backstabbing dramas and those complicated problem that break us up into smaller group, untill we hardly seeing each other. I am totally had enough ofthis.

now it's time for me to maintain what I have.
more into deeper relationship, arrange my life, and do what I want to do
treasure those people who eligable and eliminate those who don't
coming into deeper meaning of friendship and maintaining all the true friend.
no more club,no more drinks. and don't negotiate with something that not good, say no straight.

that is how I changes my identity this semster,
I might not becoming the influencial person and,
I might lose what I gain last semesterbut there is no regret on it
because this the life that I wanted to be.

BONUS!

my highschool picture... handsome gila!!

prove that my identity change!

God takes my eyes.

remember my sharing about something that distract me in the previous post, one of it is because of a guys.
Now I cannot see properly, all i see is double line. so i need to wear spect.
Still praise Lord for this gift. must explain something why I need to wear spect more often now.

Something to share

Last Tuesday, at the night after I touched down in Adelaide I went to a SFC's meeting

they discuss something about prayer, what things that usually distract us from getting closer to God.

I'm thingking a lil harder for that,

I'm close to him and I contacting with Him everyday, but is there sometimes that I've got distracted?

Yes, MANY TIMES.

First, I've got distracted whenever I'm shopping, I always wanted to buy a lot of stuff to be able perform better. our performance is absolutely judge the way people think about us, that is why whenever I go shopping, I'm too concern about my self so that I am forgetting about God's charm that life in me, I forgot that appearance is not the important things to attract others, but the inner charm is more powerful to attract people.

Second, because I'm a girl I really concern about relationship. when I close with God, means I'm falling in love with him, but sometime I've got really distracted by one of his creation, which is man.

yeah, those guys are somehow make me confuse and shake my feeling so many times. even though I realize that they don't really matter to me, or affect my life, but still when I'am thinking of them too much, adore them too deep, I become far from God. because my attention has been divided by two. even though It's not perfectly cheated on him, but quite often it is distract my relationship with him.

and I hope I can still be a servant whatever the condition is.

anyway, I'm quite happy today because I met a bunch of people in rundle.

I met Cindy chow, andrea, adrian leong, Joko, bernice, steve,chris, Sin-ae, Ko Sumo, Jhonny, Cliff, Jerry, and Warren

really happy to see them around, knowing that I'm not alone, I feel like I'm back home.

:)

Gbless