I spoke with my old friend last night, Joko...
thousand miles separate us after he decided to continue his master in beijing, i felt lose him sometimes.
but the first conversation after 2 months, bring me a cold wind.
I was just dissapointed with my mom, before i video call with Joko. I wasn't very happy - I am never be really happy these days.
he could see the gab,he could he I changed... not as happy as before. and he asked me, am I okay?
I don't even now whether I am okay or not.. i think I am.
just, seems that I couldn't be really as cheerfull as before, and couldn't be really blue. beacuase of the situation and environtment that i facking right now. I miss my cheerful days.
am I suppose to be enjoying my life now? hang out with friends, having a good connection, a lot of laugh and fun, be a conseler for friend, but none of this I can get it from here.
I am 12 days going to 23... and most of the people that I interact with is 30 above.
no time for them to joking around, to play around, what they think is family, and business...
I still need friend to talk, I am desperatly need friend! same ages, or older a bit...
mostly interact with my family, and it is not easy, we haven't been together in the past 8 years (because I left Blitar to study in Malang in 2004) and it's extremly harddd!!! they never be a good comfort place for me, it's a war...everyday is war, between me and my self to obey with my family.
I have been ordinary, never in my life felt like this... I'm not happy, and I'm not sad.
I hate to say this, but I hope I have opportunity to grow younger, not older :(
No comments:
Post a Comment