realize

I just realize that my penjajakan is always with a fight...
with a violent action.. or argue.
even when I'm changes now, I'm still doing it.
kind of difficult to start it with peaceful..
yes, you know I have not enough charm to be a good kind of girl
to make other people attract to me immediately
but when I'm fighting, act like a guy and do harsh thing, everything will be not awkward
and really easy to minggle.
oh gosh... kind of tired
I wish I could start with something that can bring up my value as a girl, appreciate me as a God creature with some admirable maybe?
Not with the fight or something abnormal that will not gain any pain.. kind of had enough.
I really need to try, not start in this way,
some of experiences told me that if the guy can't control their emotion, they tend to abuse us
hmmm
but yea, I hope that God gimme a way, at least a choice to get to know someone without doing violent thingy
sometimes it's kind of tiring tho..

Me always be what I want to be, eversince I try to throw it from my life, it's still be part of me.
ME always be Me. even when I'm physically change, Inside never totally change.,