Me and my relationship.

everytime he said "sayang" to me, my hearth stop beating for awhile.

I can't believe that he is real, I'm not alone walking in the road.

and now, he brave enough to put it in facebook..

I have no idea when we start this relationship, whether it's just happen recently or it's begin when he confessed to me,Even now, I'm not sure whether I'm ready for it.

what I know is, I walk with my faith, and let God do the rest.

I let God to heal all the pain from the past relationship, I let God to guide me to His path, I let God to throw the feeling of guilty inside my heart, worried about relationship, and make me ready for the new one, the person who He prepared for me...

from the beginning, I was unsure whether he is from Him, or just my feeling dragged from my loneliness and wanted someone to loved. but what my parents always tell me, someone who came from God will always bring you close to Him,and that is how I identify whether Dion is from Him or not.. because when the time goes by, I just feel this is the right way that I am going through, and he is exactly what my parents said, bring me close to Him. I feel complete.

and day by day, we become closer and it's just happened.

for everyone out there who have question "why she didn't tell me?" or "what a friend never update me" I'm so sorry because I don't even have the answer for that question, certainly now I'm not alone, In relationship with someone, and I just want to walk slowly but sure, don't wait something come up in facebook, because it might take an ages to show up. :)

Honestly this is what I am waiting for, and from 2 years that I promised God to commit in His presence, now he wants me end it early ,maybe because I have pass the tests and be ready for next step. Relationship is another trial for me, is not easy, it require me more energy and heart breaking,excatly will hurts more. both of us is not ready for this but God make us ready - Quote from Dion.

There were nothing called physical appearance attraction, browsing for a great partner, or criticize whether we suits to each other. we just let everything flow, and more to accept each other the way we are. sometimes, I feels not good enough for him because of my physical appearance, my fat tummy and pimples that always make me uncomfortable, but he always remain me what I am afraid of it's not important for him, what important is my heart. that is what I do to him, I love him the way he is, no bodies perfect what we can do is built each other to maximize what we have for the good.

While I'm still questioning my self how this relationship going to be since I couldn't see our path merge together, I pray everything that happen in this relationship is only His will. I believe we can learn many things together, grow in love, and learn to forgive and sacrifice. be dare to commit to each other and walk with faith , God will make the way for us.

Always put God in the first priority, and between your relationship..

and don't lose your faith in Him.

percakapan dengan kekasih

percakapan random dengan sang kekasih pagi ini

kekasih : (dengan nada tinggi karena br diomeli cecenya) makane muales lak anak wedok paling gede, mesti ngebossy

nadia: lha, aku pengen punya anak pertama cewek.

kekasih : ojokk, nanti lak punya anak pertama cewek sakno cowoke, ntar ditekan!

nadia: tp ntar lak punya anak cowok paling gede, karepe dewe

kekasih: lho jarno ae, ben dee berkembang timbang ntar diteken ambek cecene

nadia: kalo cewek paling gede itu manut, isa ngopeni adike to..

kekasih: pokoke aku pengen anak pertama cowok (dengan nada keyakinan yang tinggi)

nadia: yahh, yo wes kamu ae seng manak, aku moh.. wkwkwkwkw

wwkwkwkwkwk....nggak tau kenapa kok tiba2 ngomongin gitu,

jauh banget rasanya XD

a sweet friendship refresh the soul

Finally, the time had come...

after 16 years searching for education, it comes to the end

and you get your first degree..

I can't imagine how it feels to be graduated, i think you pretty much relief, and ready to build your future..

Congratulations.

*joko graduation

After 1,5 months separation with you, I can feel the difference..

there is no body to talk to directly, to share and built our faith..dull.

that was only the trial,

now the time is come...you going to leave Adelaide for good.
somehow, deep inside my heart, I feel so distress

one and half month without you was bad enough to call it as a misery,

I feel half.. and another quarter gone with you,and now it's going to permanently gone..

I need to come back with my own life, the normal life that I used to have before, even I forgot how it was without you..

You are a great friend of mine, one of the best friend in my life,

you had been sparkled my life in Adelaide

I feel so sorry for my self being to dependent with you, so I should feel this pain of separation,

after this point, we might not going to be the same. we might forgot whatever relation that we have before,

but I believe we always can come back.. in the same path.. called.. memories.

I'll going to miss you Joko...

and always keep you in my prayer.

thought

saya mau pacaran selama 3-5 tahun boleh nggak?

syaratnya harus dengan orang yang sama :)

i want t-shirt

Everything that came from God,

is the best for me,...

including him... :)

* God will give you the right person in your life

a person that you NEED.-

regrets

I couldn't express my feeling right now, everything seems bounded up and hit me.

Maybe it's just because of me, my period came and I couldn't resist my temperament which getting worst. I hate people blame me because of their fault, and I hate people who interrupt me,and didn't understand my condition. worst, those people are my close friends. they totally ruined up my day. plus, My beloved still in camp, and I couldn't contact him at all, even there are some friends who willing to listen to me, but somehow it affects my mood.

I always want to think, maybe it's not because of me, somehow I need to fight against those small problems that wasn't suppose to be my responsibility, sometimes I should let them know what I have done to them, so that they will have more understanding,

but in the end, it doesn't work. it end up fight and it's pain.

I can feel the burn inside my heart, and my head exploded and feels like shout to them. I feel like hurt them back 100 times deeper! luckily it didn't happened.

this is my bad character. I didn't like people to take over my power, they don't have right to limit my movements, especially control for whatever I want to do. that's me, even how hard I tried to hide, it's still inside me. I just need to control it.

and Luckily, Father never leave me, every time I see His picture, my heart start to melt, and tears dropping. I feel so shame about what I have proud of, because my dignity, my pride which makes me so powerful,because it's nothing for Him. it's not what He wants from me...

oh God, even good people should feel the pain from those who their loved.

God, forgive me.. I'm just a human.. please forgive me,

and heal this pain.

apa artinya 1,5 hari?

Sang kekasih berangkat camp, semoga bisa dapet banyak ilmu yang bisa diceritain tiap malam..

Sang kekasih nggak lupa bawa selimut, bagus lah nggak kedinginan kalo malam...

Sang kekasih bilang, "handphone akan disita sampe camp berakhir", I was like " seriusss??? "

yah ternyata bukan hanya ujian buat yang disono, tapi juga cobaan buat disini :(

yah akhirnya...hidup tanpa sang kekasih selama 1,5 hari..

kayaknya ini bakal jadi period terlama kita nggak kontekan selama 8 bulan terakhir...

Hmmm....

Give all heart to God... I will be alright sayang.

gift from heaven

this is more than just a gift,

but CARE, TRUST and LOVE

I will take care of it :) , thanks sayang <3

love life

after longg process of discernment
Thanks God for trusting me to taking care of him,
will never disappoint you :)
and please let him know to love me with with all his heart,
and taking care of me, as You do.




I know that we can going through this,
there is nothing call distance in Love.

can't wait to hold your hands sayang~ x.o.x.o

getting attached

Does getting attach to someone is something wrong?

this week, this topic become booming and bubbling in my day..
One of my friend is not a type of person who like being attach, call this person Mr.Safe, the thing that make it harder he treating other people equally the same, same amount of love, same amount of care, and the amount is extraordinary that often makes other have wrong intention to him, and tend to getting attach to him. call this person Mr.SweetSmile who has a pure heart to care and love his friends with whole heart, looking for a guy as a best friend, and interested in Mr.Safe.

Unfortunately, Mr Safe doesn't really feel comfortable of what Mr.SweetSmile acts towards him. because he treat other people equally and he didn't feel anything special happened between them. opposite what Mr.SweetSmile felt, and it makes him a lil disappointed. the problem is because there is a lack of element in the way their building the relationship. Mr Safe doesn't want to get attach because he had a bad experience in the previous relationship with anyone, that is why he can't trust people. where by Mr.SweetSmile feels that he can give whatever Mr.Safe need, just there is a missing element which is TRUST.

trust in Chinese

What happen between them it's just a example of many cases in the world.
who says getting attach is a bad idea? there is a positive and negative aspect in this area. getting attach means that you will not living alone, you will need to consider everything not as a individual but as a team, and you can't simply decide something as in what YOU need, but what WE need, in this case will growing a senses of care, love and downgrade you egocentric in your self, because you need care to other people . that is the big different between. and more over, the negative part is you will affect each other in many ways, and of course, it will be difficult to work a part with your partner.

I always have a problem of getting attach, not only you. trust me, I've gone through many painful process of being attach and separate after that, and getting really hard on me to get back on my track ALONE. believe or not, most of us in this world are not born to be alone, like Adam needs Eva to accompany him in the Eden.

in my opinion, it's really hard to get attach with someone, I mean it. I rather attach with Jesus or Holy Spirit than with human that mostly will disappoint us. and having a intimate spiritual relationship with them really gave me a great outcome, not even a single damage, but power in most of the time, and I'm willing to getting attach with them the rest of my life, ops, I still have my own life, I'm not going to ended as a nun? Am I? haha

looking back in the reality and the challenge that God has given, I'm ready to getting attach with someone.. Or I think, might already get attach to him now, even it's not officially =).that is when I took the challange of getting hurt, sacrifice, forgiving, love unconditionally, whatever that it cost me, I will take. but having to say this is really hard for me to thinking that we are actually apart, and have no idea when we can be together, and figure out our real character.

Still thinking about our conversation last night, that we are actually talking about our future. and we can see our path is not yet meet in the same way
really hard to imagine, because as a partner, there is no way to be separate, even there is still a long way to go the future, I have no idea how I can get attach in this situation, but the problem it's already happen.

I told him not to think about us first, but concentrate on his future.
because I believe his future is his. is not always about me, I might not be his future, but I'm here now, will helping him through out this hard time of his life. or maybe only in this period, then we take our own way?,we might never know.
and I still have a dream that I want to build, I still want to learn many stuff that require me to travel. and getting attach might be a liitle hard for me. but I have found someone who worthwile, and it's gonna take us a long process till we get it trhough the real obstacles.

Honestly, I have no right answer to this puzzle, I need more time to get it done.
but I believe, there is nothing wrong to get attach. it's the matter make use of getting hurt and sacrifice,and care. but you also will learn something that you can't pay it with dollars. choose the right person who trust worthy. If you find one in your life, keep them, and build your world, and fill it with love.

if you haven't find one, pray to God that he will find you the right one, someone that you need.

=)

my condition

"I'm single, but my heart is taken :)"

wondering- for someone

after someone gave me David Choi- by my side

which is in implicit way, telling me what inside his brain

I really feel that the message inside is truly reflect what he is trying to say.

At the moment, I have song for you in return

and please someone out there,who I refer to

let me know if you listen to this song :)

why love is always hurt?

*please let me know that I'm going to be alright with you

the truth is

hurt...

aku belum siap relationship Lord, pleaseee....

sakit sakittt sakitttttttttttttttttttttttttt!!!!

:'''(

wish for the trip

pengen ngomong, tapi nggak tau ama siapa...

pengen cerita, tapi nggak tau mulai dari mana..

pengen curhat, tapi nggak tau mau ngomong apa...

pokoknyaaa.....

for the seek of our trip, not many emotional involve please...

*I know how to behave

Ragu..

ragu banget apakah kita bisa satu...
ragu banget apakah kamu bener untuk aku...

karena sangat nyaman kalo hubungannya nggak kayak yang kita mau,
lebih nyaman kayak gini dari pada lebih lagi...

hah... biar Tuhan yang atur enaknya gimana..
Hidup tetep milikku kok.

stress

yes, I'm stress out.
biasa... masalah assigment.
parahnya ini dibarengin ama nggak enak badan mau flu, plus period. badalaaaa...triple musketersss...
kalo udah kayak gini bawaannya focus ama diri sendiri. malah I addmitted, kadang terlalu egois.
masih terus mendoakan, masih terus melayani, masih terus ngurusin kegiatan gereja
tapi untuk hal perasaan, aku nggak mau diusik, apalgi if you didn't enough effort to compromising me, that you are worth to by my side and helping me.. gile gengsi gede banget
emang sungguh, jangan usik Nadia pada saat ini, either kamu dapat sentakan, ato tangisan...
emosional banget ya.

Tapi yang jelas, hari ini aku sangat mendapat siraman rohani dari Bu As

Bu As itu, ibuku di Adelaide..
awalnya cuman seorang ibu Indonesia yang pinter masak, terus ce ninies titipin ibu itu ke kami yang di Adelaide, karena di mau pulang for good.
aku sich seneng seneng aja, tapi nggak nyangka kalo "njagain" nya sampe kayak gini.
yah jadinya tak anggap ibu sendiri dee..

Bu As itu orangnya tuluss, baik banget,
walaupun semua orang tua terkesan baik, namun bu As ini beda... dia bener2 kuat luar dalam
mungkin Dia nggak terlalu aktif di gereja karena njagain Om Bob (suaminya org aussie) yang udah tua banget dan sakit sakitan,
yang bikin aku tambah salut itu, meskipun dia jarang ikut kegiatan keagamaan, dia selalu berdoa tiap hari.
nggak pernah show off, nggak pernah muluk2
bener bener bisa lihat bahwa Tuhan itu dekat dengan dia. dan itu juga yang membuat aku tenang setiap kali aku ke rumahnya.

Nah, hari ini.. aku masih banyak assgmnt ceritanya, tapi tetep haru ke rumah Bu As karena udah janji mau belanjain...
rumahnya nggak di Adelaide, di gunung, Crafers namanya... kira setengah jam dari Adelaide naik bus.
sebentar aku bersinggah kesana, terus mau langsung ke library... ternyat bu As sharing sama aku

Dia mimpi Tuhan Yesus...
aku langsung kaget donk! biasa kalo orang mimpi tentang Tuhan Yesus kan ada tanda tanda?
tapi mimpinya beda, dia bilang Tuhan Yesus dateng ke dia untuk memberitahu bahwa dia harus lebih bersungguh2 dalam doanya, dengan cara melakukan puasa
Bu As bingung karena diya belum jelas tentang bagaimana puasa yang benar, lalu dia tanya sama Tuhan : " Dimana aku harus bertanya, dan kepada siapa"
tiba tiba Yesus mata Yesus mengarah ke arah seseorang yang sedang duduk...
Bu As bilang itu aku...

Pas denger itu aku tercengang...
kenapa Nadia Tuhan? tanya Bu as
lalu bu As bilang kataNya, karena aku bisa membantu bu As dalam hal ini..

sama seperti bu As, aku juga bertanya... kenapa kok aku?
soalnya pagi ini aku lagi down banget, aku bilang sama Tuhan aku lagi hancur lebur
aku nggak tau apakah dalam kondisiku seperti ini aku masih layak melayani, untuk terus bersyukur kadang susah,
adanya malah kadang2 ngomel, dan complain ama Tuhan kenapa aku dibiarin sendirian,
Really, God's work in amazing way,
dengan sharingnya Bu As, aku totally dikuatkan
mungkin tampaknya aku lagi sangat capek dan kesal, dalam kondisi yang nggak siap ketemu banyak orang untuk melayani. tapi dibalik ke lemahanku an aku, Tuhan masih terus mampukan aku, supaya aku terus hidup di dalam hati orang orang,
banyak pekerjaan menunggu setelah ini... aku nggak mau menyerah kalo bekerja di ladang Tuhan.

God, please work your miracle on me,
I want this task done, and I will serve you without burden.

Gbless

one week

ONE WEEK TO GOOO!!!!
and I will hear you voice whenever I want!

not good

Hope this storm will not break down my wall,
too painfull to look the past, and every single fact in the present make me down.
God help.
T_______T

I hate

I hate waiting for you, and worried about you.

especially when I am exhausted, and you don't even know how I miss you!

sigh* T.T