Me and my relationship.

everytime he said "sayang" to me, my hearth stop beating for awhile.

I can't believe that he is real, I'm not alone walking in the road.

and now, he brave enough to put it in facebook..

I have no idea when we start this relationship, whether it's just happen recently or it's begin when he confessed to me,Even now, I'm not sure whether I'm ready for it.

what I know is, I walk with my faith, and let God do the rest.

I let God to heal all the pain from the past relationship, I let God to guide me to His path, I let God to throw the feeling of guilty inside my heart, worried about relationship, and make me ready for the new one, the person who He prepared for me...

from the beginning, I was unsure whether he is from Him, or just my feeling dragged from my loneliness and wanted someone to loved. but what my parents always tell me, someone who came from God will always bring you close to Him,and that is how I identify whether Dion is from Him or not.. because when the time goes by, I just feel this is the right way that I am going through, and he is exactly what my parents said, bring me close to Him. I feel complete.

and day by day, we become closer and it's just happened.

for everyone out there who have question "why she didn't tell me?" or "what a friend never update me" I'm so sorry because I don't even have the answer for that question, certainly now I'm not alone, In relationship with someone, and I just want to walk slowly but sure, don't wait something come up in facebook, because it might take an ages to show up. :)

Honestly this is what I am waiting for, and from 2 years that I promised God to commit in His presence, now he wants me end it early ,maybe because I have pass the tests and be ready for next step. Relationship is another trial for me, is not easy, it require me more energy and heart breaking,excatly will hurts more. both of us is not ready for this but God make us ready - Quote from Dion.

There were nothing called physical appearance attraction, browsing for a great partner, or criticize whether we suits to each other. we just let everything flow, and more to accept each other the way we are. sometimes, I feels not good enough for him because of my physical appearance, my fat tummy and pimples that always make me uncomfortable, but he always remain me what I am afraid of it's not important for him, what important is my heart. that is what I do to him, I love him the way he is, no bodies perfect what we can do is built each other to maximize what we have for the good.

While I'm still questioning my self how this relationship going to be since I couldn't see our path merge together, I pray everything that happen in this relationship is only His will. I believe we can learn many things together, grow in love, and learn to forgive and sacrifice. be dare to commit to each other and walk with faith , God will make the way for us.

Always put God in the first priority, and between your relationship..

and don't lose your faith in Him.

gift from heaven

this is more than just a gift,

but CARE, TRUST and LOVE

I will take care of it :) , thanks sayang <3

character that I need (7)

I need a guy who don't smoke!!!
so he will not danger me, or any of our childern in the future.

character that I need (6)

I need a guy who knows that He loves me,

not because I care about him, or because what I have done to him

but because everything he need is in me, and He trust that I can make him happy.

tentang CINTA

Aku mau belajar untuk mencintai lagi...

Tapi dalam arti berbeda,
mungkin aku memang selalu pengen mencintai semua ciptaan Tuhan dan menghargai segala isinya, namun cinta yang aku maksud kali ini adalah mencintai kaum adam.

Sudah 2 tahun, aku masih belum berani untuk in relationship with any cowok. masih belum siap komitmen, masih belum siap sakit lagi, dan masih belum siap kalo kalo gagal lagi. Namun nggak bisa dipungkiri, semua orang harus mengalami tahap ini, dan harus lulus di ujiannya.
Mencintai juga suatu proses belajar...
Belajar untuk berbagi, belajar untuk mengerti, belajar untuk memahami orang lain, belajar untuk berkorban, dan rela memaafkan dalam segala hal.
Sungguh, bukan suatu yang mudah karena kita bener2 harus membuka seluruh karakter dan semua yang ada dalam diri kita untuk bisa mncapai hasil yang maksimal.

Dalam dunia yang dewasa ini, aku merasa bahwa kita bisa memilih untuk mencintai ato tidak.mungkin kita nggak bisa memilih untuk jatuh cinta sama siapa, karena chemistry dan faktor faktor yang lain juga menentukan, tapi kita bisa mengontrol, seberapa besar perasaan kita terhadap dia, dan seberapa banyak yang mau kita korbankan untuk itu.

kemaren baru baca blog seseorang di Perth, dan aku setuju banget dengan kutipan dia.

"Mencintailah karena kamu mau mencintai,

bukan karena ingin mendapatkan balasan dicintai."
"mencintai itu adalah proses dan terus belajar"
-Eveline Indra

Kadang susah juga mikirnya, karena ketika kita ngomong soal relationship, berarti harus ada dari kedua belah pihak, intinya.. masing masing harus belajar

mungkin kita bisa memilih untuk mencintai dan berkorban, untuk terus belajar karakter dia dan memahami kondisi, namun ketika itu cuman dialami sepihak saja, bukan relationship namanya.

kedua dua nya harus mau di proses dan belajar, dan harus sama sama memahami bahwa relationship itu harus saling memberi, berkorban, dan memaafkan...

Goshhh..., buat bayangin aja aku susah, apalagi ngejalaninnya

pasti dengan air mata, air keringat dan air ludah semua keluar...

namun, aku tetep menjalani apa yang sudah ada, dan nggak mau berpikir tentang hasilnya.

kalopun nanti nggak harus jadi serius, yah yang jelas aku bisa mendapatkan banyak pelajaran dari proses ini, dan aku harap dia juga mengalami hal yang sama.

Yah... mencintai...bukan karena pengen dicintai ya Nadia :)

enjoy!

you know,
whenever I tell my self that I am not going to thingking about LOVE,
I have trapped in my own words.
so, here I am trying to manage and understand. no pressure and let it flow.

"I wanna see the world through your eyes for a day,
maybe catch a glimpse of what its like.
To be so beautiful underneath all the pain,
maybe see the soul that lies inside.
You are, the face that you never show.
You are, it hides all I wanna know,let me see.
All you are, it makes my heart break.
All you are, and Im waiting here.All you are, waiting all my life for.
The moment you might step outside show me whats been hiding under there.
When you unlock the gate,
twilights fall daylights break.
Nothing stop the way I felt for you now.
Cause Ive seen through the nights,through the tainted coloured glass.
Saw inside the log behind the shadow.
You are, the face that you never show.
You are, it hides all I wanna know,let me see.
All you are, it makes my heart break.
All you are, and Im waiting here.
All you are, waiting all my life for.
The moment you might step outside show me whats been hiding underneath the past
I know its gone so fast,sometimes the bad things stay.
While all the good tends to fade out of your heart and mine
but somethings left behind and baby no one can take it away yeah."

Gift

Perhaps, such a long time I never felt like this,

seems so strange, smells so sweet and fly me to the moon.

but please don't let us cross that line,

remains our love for You in the first place,before each other.

Thanks for such a wonderful gift, Lord

will keep it, never regret

:)

Compelete

Now I feel complete..

I feel that I have everything that I need from now.

friends who surrounding me,

community that support me,

Mom that always pray for me,

Someone to share the good and bad,

and God that makes everything perfect.

there is always some point in our life where we feel so thankful and bless.

even for the bad things that happen..

for me, I place totally to Him.

Pray for humbleness Part 2

Take O Lord and receive all my liberty

My memory, my understanding and all my will.

whatever I have and posses, all this things You have given to me

All this things O Lord,

I now place totally at your service

All are Yours to do with as You wish

Assure me only of your love and your grace,

This will be enough for me.

You know, whenever I pray this..I cried

I feel powerless and hopeless

but God wants us to focus on Him, He is the hope, and He will make everything good for you

Remember: He knows you more than you do.

that is when unexpected moment will happen,

and by the time you realised, everything is perfect.

:)

character that I need (5)

short.simple

I need to have someone that always show his love to me; not shy to show our intimacy in front of others, even as simple as saying "Sayang" till we grow old :)

character that I need (4)

After previous post of me about "Friends from God",

I started to questioning my self, what actually I need from a friend.

We do experience all the type of friendship which come and go, and some of them are stay and build our character, even though their left, but they might left some footsteps in our life, that make us changes, and teach us to do certain things. but what am I actually looking for in persons character?

Frankly speaking, I don't ever regret for whoever I have hung out with, even it's for a reason or for a season, everyone is great, and the next step that will happen is "are they will stick with you for a long time?"

this question will be answered after you step up on certain stages of friendship. Friends that I have made will stick with with me for a long term when we full fill our need in physical and psychological. Problems are actually one step further to this stages. mostly, after I have a fight or misunderstanding with a friend and figure out our feelings to each other and have a reconciliation, our friendship will be stronger than usual.

and for me similarity in culture and moral is really important to continue our friendship, even when you have different beliefe, If we have similiarity in thought and could find the way each other thinking, it's still works

And most important is, I'm actually looking forward for a long process of friendship for my partner in the future. because it's a really important steps for me before I decided Is he the one in my life, that I can stand for a long time.

So in this case, faithful person is the one I need, friendship need a commitment, marriage need a hardest and stronger commitment. and during that friendship we can find out does he someone that can be cooperate even when Love is hardly to feel any more? someone that knows his responsibility?. this characters i believe not easy to figure out in 2 or 3 months of friendship, but Lifetime :)

character that I need (3)

One of my non favorite activities is stay at home and being unproductive.

YES, especially when I need to do it in my holiday time, I mean if I'm in Adelaide now,in my own room, it's going to be my choice to be at home, but Helllow, I'm in Penang, I spent almost 12 days here and I am depending on a person to bring me out and I stuck at their home for almost 3days in a row.

Oh My God, this is really not my favorite.

The condition of uncertain, depending, and have no choice is the best part which makes me lack of control and can't do anything much to changes it.- this is one of my problem.
Soon, I will have this situation everytime when I have a boyfriend or someone who I will call my other half. but I need some more space to it.
maybe what I needs are to be more understanding and patience. more easily to accept the condition without arguing or nagging, not to see who is win or lose, but more to how to solve this problem.

I'm easily to accept and be more understanding tho. but somehow I need to face that in my heart always have an argument that prove the real condition and my real reaction. just after awhile and with fully controlled, I can process it to be a better reaction.

anyway, I want someone that has a plan, A,B,C fail still have D and E. so we can choose which one is more suitable and more discussion, not only one person decision. and I hope that I have a partner who like to travel

:)

character yang saya butuhkan (2)

Hari ini Adelaide hot sekali, and aku harus berjalan menelusuri kota demi untuk mencari oleh2 buat GFs ku.. so as usual, ada keluarkan rumusnya:

nadia + hot weather= temper

one of my good friend accompany me, and we had a chat, normal chat

it's became awkward setelah diya menjawab pertanyaanku dengan nada tinggi dan memaksa, alias "nyolot" padahal topiknya seputar yang normal2 aja. aku kaget donk, dan bikin aku males ngajak omong lagi

So, dari situ saya merasa ini sisi sensitive saya..

aku butuh seseorang yang cara ngomongnya nggak ngeyel, tapi kalo emang offensive, diya tetep tenang dengan memberikan argument2 diya. jadi bisa kelihatan bijak bukan memaksa. If I meet people like that, I will be amaze with his character and attitude.

mengamati character yang saya butuhkan (1)

Kalo banyak orang tau nadia itu kayak gimana, pasti identic ama orang yang cuek, kamarnya nggak rapi, dan yang pasti pengen tampil beda
tapi semenjak di aussie, aku berusaha untuk meluruskan jalan2 itu dengan jadi cewek yang biasa biasa aja. katanya kalo kita jadi orang standart, dengan sifat dan tingkah laku yang normal bisa lebih mudah dicintai. dengan usaha yang cukup berat, aku berhasil mengubah imageku jadi seorang cewek tulen

tapi tetep aja cewek juga ada yang rapi ada yang nggak. bisa dibilang aku orangnya comfort dengan apa yang ada, kotorpun (asal nggak keterlaluan) masih bisa. dan lebih nyaman kalo liat kamar sedikit berantakan jadi kerasa ada "isi" nya.
asalkan ringkes cepet dan nyaman in my own way, itu sudah cukup.
makannya kadang aku agak stunning liat cowok yang rapi banget.
bukannya terganggu sich tapi kadang cenderung jadi nilai plus dalam kamusku.
cowok rapi bisa apa aja, mungkin dari penampilannya rapi, selalu fresh, atau juga bisa diliat dari kamarnya, dan paling hebat cara melipat baju dan njaga barang2nya
kalo udah baju rapi, kamar bersih, pinter lipat baju, udah lah... +++

rapi, kadang cenderung ke perfectionist, kalo udah kek gitu kayaknya agak serem yah
karena kalo orang2 model aku berada di sekita mereka bisa jadi suatu ancaman besar buat mereka lol . karena perfectionist cenderung melakukan sesuatu perfect as they wanted to be. dan kalo semua pasal-pasalnya nggak diturutin, wah bisa berabe.
sedangkan orang rapi, mungkin kadang mereka merasa annoying dengan tingkah laku yang bruk bruk, tapi mereka punya insting buat merapikan dan ngembaliin barang pada tempatnya.. nah demen nich yang kayak gini, jadi nggak usah lipet2 baju, ato ngerapiin kamar ada yang benerin. LOL.
tapi yang jelas orang rapi dan ngopeni barang2nya itu amazing bener menurutku, intinya diya itu peduli akan stuff that belongs to them and like to see the things are arrange nicely.

nah maka... mungkin salah satu character ini yang aku butuhkan untuk melengkapi kekurangan ku.

I want to have someone

I want to have someone that walking beside me in the road
I want to have someone that do not leave me when I'm walking
or, If he/she does, they will look at the back and ask whether I'm alright or not.
I want to have someone that asking me about my day,
and what kind situation that I faced, n trying to figure out together.
I want to have someone that can brain storm together, share thought and ideas with me
I want to have someone that has a shoulder where I can cry, and hold me when I'm weak.
I want to have someone that I can hold their hand with no hesitate and show how much I appreciate and love them,
I want to have someone that always together with me, so I don't feel lonely.

It's not necessary a boyfriend. It's not necessary a guy. It could be a girlfriend- anybody who wants to be my close friend in Adelaide.

Alice... I miss u so badly.
If we meet I will hold you tight everynight, never gonna let you cry, and never lose your hand on me.