Satu jam saja

film terbaru vino G sebastian, udah dari october sich, but ini baru november gak masalah lah ya... keknya bakal jadi mangsa baru waktu balik indo...telat setahun dech aku nontonnya..widii



ini lagunya yg masyallah indahnya...



mau ngikutin perkembangan film ini?
SATUJAM SAJA << click

Back home

Finally, I find my way back home.

I know I don't go anywhere, but this sentence I use to draw the picture of how I am getting my self back.
Recently, I feel like I lose my self and all the emotion that I ever have, somehow it's questioning me where are they have gone? but now I figure it out, and I get it back.
Feel so reveal? ABSOLUTELY. knowing that I'm still the same person as one years back, I feel so glad that I'm not totally change. I did lost some of my bad behavior, but all the ego, optimistic, and stubborn is still there. I am having it right now!
This appears because I need those personality to fight with my self more, after all the manifestation that happened last week, I really had bless, and it's a statement for me to start a new stage in my spiritual life. the proof are; I can easily get angry, a lil bit negative thinking towards other, and I'm still a human. the good news is, the spirit of being different arises; I have plenty of time to change my hairstyle and colour to show my personality.

Lastly, I will ended this bloody topic with one story. I had a disappointment last night, because of the friend and club. and really I feel bad, and wasting time over there. We had fun, and had some funny experience, just that I don't feel it's something that I can proud of. It's just makes me think hundred times before I decide to go club again. It's not about what I have experience there, but more to why I don't feel comfortable being in the club, surround by those people, it's simply because club is totally not my place.

I'm back!

TOLERANT

"world is not black and white, there is sometimes you can't say the truth"

Yes, I'm agree with it. somehow, there is something that you need to tell or you need to do some white lie.
but you need to watch out in what context are you talking about.
If you include you as a GREY clan, there is no place you could stand in most of the places.
so stop being a LIAR and life in you bloody damn world with your mask! you can't do grey for your own freaking excuses! either you WHITE and HURT obviously you could heal, or BLACK and DIE! never come back to this earth again.

Somehow I'm tired of being patient and tolerant person and need to tolerate people like you.
dunia semakin aneh saja. huh

The best song that I love to listen in every Christmas

"To a world that was lost, He gave all He could give, To show us the reason to live"

He is my reason to live.

Confession of my friend

Another man drawn to deep confession because of his sexuality problem.
caused one girl lost partner in her life.
and the other two guys were suspect tbeing together as a partner, not bestfriend

Sometimes, it seems not fair to us, girl. Why should gay exsist in our society?God created Adam and Eva, not Adam and Steve.
but that is not their choice to born as gay,
and he couldn't denial their self that they really can't love opposite sex,
they are still a normal guy, with equal hope and happiness with us. just they couldn't love us as full.
Heard those fact so many times, still hurt my heart more. I feel they just break some image in my life. but it doesn't mean I lose any friends,
they are still the same friend of mine, that serve to have the right of being love and in love.

another case is something that makes me have a horrible feeling towards both, kind of hurt me so much, because I know them quite well, one of them hurt me before
and since the assumption was arise, I have a strong reason to accuse them.
but I hope it is not.

Really, It's not only me that hurt, It's not only me that needing.
The reality is, they need me more than I do. So, that is a enough reason to prevent me from being hurt, and excuse me to choose who the one deserve my tears.

But I still have fully heart to love them, as much as God loves me :)

Realization today

I'm tired to be a good girl..

I don't know why but suddenly I'm thinking that way.
I've been change a lot these days, because I close to God and committed to Him, I can't do something that sinful, or else will cause a strong guilty on me. strongly against my self.
and I've been fighting with my self, push my flesh down and doing things that can make others happy, because I believe, It will make my life more easier, with looking other people happy, that is what I like to do.
but, I just realize that something went wrong..
I've been really good these days, but there is nothing much I can do to make a problem solve better. I just redeem all the mistake that others did, without telling what they should do to make things right. I just have no brave to tell them the truth, I scared to hurt them.
now I realize It doesn't make any sense to me. I've been maintaining my self to be someone that can inspired to others, with being a role model and doing right things, consistent with everything that I do, never complain with any displeasure and unsatisfied with accepting the differ and adjust with environment as fast as I can. but I just don't feel it's a right..
I just far away from my old personality, seems something missing. I used to be someone that has strong feeling, optimistic, a bit selfish, doesn't really care about others, as long as I can do my things right, and I love to force others to do the right things that I think right.
maybe something bad about my self missing, and replace with something positive.

or it's just my mood that appears today?

tell me tell me.. what I should do next!!!
many friends tell me that I'm a good friend, too good! Is that a mistake or a gift?
but I'm still a human that sometimes angry and make a mistake. full of curiosity and want to try some dangerous stuff. and even I'm a good person, somehow I might deserve to get hurt and disappointment.just that I could figure it out easily, because I can't hate others.
Oh God, I don't know.. even when I'm being a good friend I still need to face rejection from my own friend! I feel like crying every time I remember it.. why, WHY he doesn't want me to be his friend?? what makes me doesn't deserve it?? what makes him doesn't like me??
WHY THIS IS SO DIFFICULT???!!!

being good person doesn't guarantee you to far from problem, but that is your calling to lighten others burden, and put it on you a little bit, because you have God who carry you, so you can help others.
maybe I'm just tired, maybe i'm just emo, I shouldn't think this way and totally change my self, because the truth is, I'm happy to do what I have done, nothing burden me to do all this things, this is me, this is me that has been change since I have God, and I have no harm to be back like who I am, because this is me. just need some improvement and make it rights. I want to be someone that can tell the truth, and never hide for others good.

good person might be forgotten, but right person that could make change will be remains by others.

No more drama...

short story about last night..
I was breaking down with undeniable fact of my friendship and the same heart broken for so many times.
but what made it worst I was sober, so I couldn't hide my feeling.
everyone knew, spontaneous reaction, nothing could hide.
ended I slept with hugging my EX boyfriend in the sofa.
that's enough to make me addicted,
and a bit lost of track

last sunrise in Ipad, that we've enjoyed together.