I don't know why but suddenly I'm thinking that way.
I've been change a lot these days, because I close to God and committed to Him, I can't do something that sinful, or else will cause a strong guilty on me. strongly against my self.
and I've been fighting with my self, push my flesh down and doing things that can make others happy, because I believe, It will make my life more easier, with looking other people happy, that is what I like to do.
but, I just realize that something went wrong..
I've been really good these days, but there is nothing much I can do to make a problem solve better. I just redeem all the mistake that others did, without telling what they should do to make things right. I just have no brave to tell them the truth, I scared to hurt them.
now I realize It doesn't make any sense to me. I've been maintaining my self to be someone that can inspired to others, with being a role model and doing right things, consistent with everything that I do, never complain with any displeasure and unsatisfied with accepting the differ and adjust with environment as fast as I can. but I just don't feel it's a right..
I just far away from my old personality, seems something missing. I used to be someone that has strong feeling, optimistic, a bit selfish, doesn't really care about others, as long as I can do my things right, and I love to force others to do the right things that I think right.
maybe something bad about my self missing, and replace with something positive.
or it's just my mood that appears today?
many friends tell me that I'm a good friend, too good! Is that a mistake or a gift?
but I'm still a human that sometimes angry and make a mistake. full of curiosity and want to try some dangerous stuff. and even I'm a good person, somehow I might deserve to get hurt and disappointment.just that I could figure it out easily, because I can't hate others.
Oh God, I don't know.. even when I'm being a good friend I still need to face rejection from my own friend! I feel like crying every time I remember it.. why, WHY he doesn't want me to be his friend?? what makes me doesn't deserve it?? what makes him doesn't like me??
WHY THIS IS SO DIFFICULT???!!!
being good person doesn't guarantee you to far from problem, but that is your calling to lighten others burden, and put it on you a little bit, because you have God who carry you, so you can help others.
maybe I'm just tired, maybe i'm just emo, I shouldn't think this way and totally change my self, because the truth is, I'm happy to do what I have done, nothing burden me to do all this things, this is me, this is me that has been change since I have God, and I have no harm to be back like who I am, because this is me. just need some improvement and make it rights. I want to be someone that can tell the truth, and never hide for others good.
good person might be forgotten, but right person that could make change will be remains by others.
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